Yesterday at the Park

Last night was a successful outing to the park. Our church rented a pavilion at the biggest city park in town and set up sound equipment at one end, a hotdog grilling station just to the side, and huge coolers of drinks. Within sight of the pavilion (but out of earshot) was a playground, with no fences or containment beyond the landscaping border to keep the mulch in and grass out. I was so nervous about letting the girls go over there. They played for a while, got red-faced and sweaty, then came back with me to the pavilion while I sang my songs.

Immediately after I finished singing, both girls came to me crying that they wanted to go home. Apparently my little one put her hand in ants, and my big one was just tired of the little one's crying. (She really hates the sound of her sister crying, no matter when or where.) But I hadn't yet sung with the sextet, so we had to wait. I bribed them both to sit at a table with Cokes (in the absence of caffine-free soft drinks). I had the forsight to bring bendy straws with me in my purse so they would be able to drink from the cans without spilling all over themselves. (I think I'll start carrying bendy straws with me all the time. They don't weigh much.) That worked like a charm. Thankfully it didn't seem to have much impact on them being able to go to sleep last night.

Thanks to Shelly and others who helped wrangle my kids, especially while I was singing!

My brain hasn't really settled on a song yet... I'm currently listening to my iTunes in Party Shuffle mode, so we'll see where it lands after I get up and leave the computer for a few hours. Playing now, "I Can't Catch You," by Sixpence None the Richer.

Sidebar

Is anyone out there bothered by my having multiple songs in my head at once? I am sometimes.

Sad

He's gone. My husband just left for his work trip less than 10 minutes ago. I'm sad. I'm thoroughly sad. Before he left, we prayed together and cried together.

One of the songs we did in church this morning was "In You." I don't know who it's by originally (my internet search was unsuccessful). That's the one that's in my head. The words are spot on for what I need right now.

Taking turns with that song, matching my mood, is "Summer's Over," by Jonathan Coulton. It's a sad good-bye song.

Tonight I'm singing "Dips" with the sextet out at the park. That will be fun. I'm also singing two solos with tracks. I have another singing engagement this week where I'll do those two songs, so tonight is a sort of trial run for that. I really need to have those songs in my head this afternoon. More than that, I need to all-out practice!

I'm a little nervous about being out there at the park with no one watching my kids while I sing. I know we'll have friends out there, but it's not their job to watch my kids. That's my job. I just hope I don't lose them. They've been known to wander. Maybe they need jingle bells tied to them or something. Long leashes would work...

My mom just called since I started this post. She and Dad are on the boat, getting ready to sail out from Seattle. I'm glad for them to have a good time. It has lightened my mood a little to talk to her. I'm still sad, but now a little less so.

(If anyone knows more details about "In You," please leave a comment and I'll link the info in a future post. Thanks.)

Which Way the Wind Blows

This morning I found myself laying in bed, mentally and emotionally bracing myself for the week ahead. My husband is leaving tomorrow for a week long business trip. Daddy will be gone all week. The girls will do fine. It's me I'm worried about.

Usually, if Daddy's gone, and Mommy's going crazy, we'd head over to my parents' house and hang out with Nanna and Poppa. They live about 20 minutes away, and have lots of room to play. But they're gone too. They won't be back from their Alaskan cruise until next Sunday (8 days from now). My top two levels of kid support are going to be gone.

Plus I just miss my husband when he's away for so long. When we were dating we went to two colleges that were about an hour and a half away from each other. We'd cry on Sunday saying good-bye and look forward to Friday all week long when we'd get to see each other again. When he travels like this, it brings all that back to me too. I really like him and want him around. I want to make jokes with him and laugh. I want to lay in the dark stroking his back (which he loves- he practically purrs like a kitten!). I want him to pick on me and try to tickle me while I squirm and try to get away. I just want him around. He's my favorite. I know I'll miss him.

And as these thoughts were making their way through my brain, the soundtrack was on a 2nd Chapter of Acts song which really fit, "Which Way the Wind Blows." The chorus says, "You don't know which way the wind blows, so how can you plan tomorrow?"** And then toward the end it changes to, "Jesus knows which way the wind blows, so give Him your tomorrow."

So Jesus, I give You next week. Whatever I've got planned, I'll trust You more than my plan. I'll trust You to bring my husband back home safely to us. I'll trust You to provide for our every need.

** I grew up listening to this song, and always thought that those words were spoken by Jesus in one of the gospels. A lengthy search on the internet showed that not to be the case. Then I searched Proverbs. Again, no luck. But I did find this Messianic verse in Proverbs 30:

4 Who has gone up to heaven and come down?
Who has gathered up the wind in the hollow of his hands?
Who has wrapped up the waters in his cloak?
Who has established all the ends of the earth?
What is his name, and the name of his son?
Tell me if you know!

I had never noticed that one before. It goes right along with the message of that song, and also what I need to be thinking about going into next week.

Happy 4th of July!

If you want a good cry, read on.

Today I visited the blog of Angie Smith for the first time. I'm sure it's one I'll be reading regularly. I just couldn't stop reading the story of her baby, Audrey Caroline. I won't give away anything so if you want to check it out, you can. I highly recommend it.

I haven't previously shared much of the history of my family, or the deep pains that mark my personal history. It was definitely therapeutic today to read about someone else's life, loves and losses, and I think I may soon be ready to share some of my own. Most of my readers are friends and family, and already know about the things that I'm referring to, but I know that I'll eventually let it all come out here. I think I still have quite a bit of healing to do before I can pour it out here. I want to have a little more of the context of how God worked it out before I go unloading. I'm afraid if I were to do it now that I'd be spilling a pity-party that needs to be over. In time.

Earlier today, after reading about half of Angie's blog, I had the song, "Carry You," in my head. It was written by Angie & her husband, Todd, and couple other people for Audrey. I hope you're moved by it as much as I was.

Splash Park, "No, I can't", & the Table

Today I took the girls to the splash park. We met some friends there, and I invited our new friends next door to come too. It was a silver and gold outing! (You know the song, "Make new friends, but keep the old..." It makes a great round!) As a happy surprise, we happened to see more friends when we got there!

I really wish my little girl wouldn't make every little thing I ask of her into a battle. She completely laid out the little one year old of our surprise friends we found at the park, and would not apologize. She spent some time in time-out after I did the James Dobson shoulder trick on her. My mom used to do that to me, and she got results. I wonder if I'm doing it right. Maybe it will work better when she's a little older.

My super-big, all-time thing I want the most in the whole world right now is for my little girl to stop responding to EVERY request I ask of her with, "No, I can't." I want so badly to remove those words (and mostly the attitude behind them) from her consciousness. Today coming back from the park, I had the girls come in our front door instead of the garage door because I've got my project all over the place in the garage right now. When I asked little girl to come "this way," she said, "I can't go this way." What's the point of arguing that? She ended up doing what I asked, but why waste the breath in protest? Is that just part of being 3 years old? Does she feel a surge of independence every time she argues? Am I somehow reinforcing this behavior? Oh, I so hope that my actions, words, or whatever are not keeping this going. It's like a rock in my shoe type of annoyance to me every time she utters those words. I'm starting to get pretty testy about it. I'll welcome any help on this issue. Please give me some feedback, especially if you've been there, dealt with that, and come out with a sweet kid on the other side.

The project that has taken over my garage is the re-refinishing of the kitchen table. I had a major catastrophe after doing it the first time. The picture to the right is the result from the first finishing job I did on it with latex paint. The picture to below is what happened after that. It all peeled up. I felt sick about it. I haven't been able to tackle that project to do it again for several weeks. It just makes me so sad to have to do it all again. And this time with oil-based products, which are harder to clean up. I'm using a roller AND a brush, a technique I learned watching DIY network, rolling the paint on, then following that with the brush so that it doesn't look like an orange peel texture. It gets the paint more evenly distributed and it makes the brush easier to clean up, with only the ends of the bristles requiring a dip in the paint thinner. Another downside to this go-round is that it all has to be done in the garage. Latex paint has next to no fumes, so I did that work inside, with air conditioning. This time I'm doing the work in the morning, before the 100 degree heat sets in. I know I'll be happy when it's done. I just have to get to that point.

Today's song is still "Dips". God really used that song in a special way last night. It sounds like a silly song, but the message is really good. It's about being so blown away by God's love that it becomes the motivation for sharing with others. God's love for us really is so profound that experiencing it changes everything we care about. Whatever was important before that encounter pales in the light of the eternal, REALLY important things. So I'm really pumped about singing it on Sunday night! Thank you, God, for dipping your hand of love down in my heart!