More Battles with Little Girl

I had an epic battle with Little Girl yesterday morning. I don't know what it is about Sundays... it's like she knows that there's a schedule, and she's determined to throw it all out of whack. I was able to keep my cool through it all, until she hit me. But that was after I'd already wrestled her into the shower, bathed her against her will, wrangled her out of the shower and into some dry clothes and sat on her (I didn't put weight on her) to get her shoes and socks on. And even when she hit me, I didn't unleash the fury that some would consider to have been warranted. I was lucky to get through all of that flailing without getting kicked in the teeth (just what I need right now...)! Once she was forcibly dressed to the shoes, she sat on her bed with her pink and blue doggies (her favorite bedtime friends), and stopped crying. We then had a little talk about how it didn't have to be that way, and I don't like fighting her, but if she's going to force the issue, I'll fight and I'll win. I love that girl, I really do. We made up before church. I'm so glad we did. I was able to go to church (20 minutes late) and not worry and fret all morning. Last night before we went to bed, Hubby and I each prayed over her. I did that a few weeks ago, and things were better for a while. It can't hurt anything, that's for sure.

Today is like a repeat show of yesterday, so maybe it has nothing to do with Sunday. The common thread these last 2 days is her pooping and/or peeing in her pants first thing in the morning. Today I took her outside and hosed her off. Yeah, it's 43 degrees out and the water is cold, but it didn't take long. I don't want it to be pleasant. And it wasn't. She didn't stop screaming until she had been inside for 10 minutes. The biggest difference from yesterday is that we don't have anywhere to go, and I'm not forcing the issue to get her cleaned up and dressed. Oh well. She's still pants-less, and I haven't really interacted with her since she stopped crying. I should probably do that...

What is the deal with her? Everyone I've talked with is equally baffled. I think we have an example of the untainted sin nature on display. She wants her own way and will not sit by quietly when she's not getting her way.

All weekend I had another Cake song in my head, "Hem of your Garment." The opening lyric reminds of Karli - "I'm intrinsically no good." Really that's true for all of us. We have darkness in our hearts until God changes that. And even after we've been redeemed, we're still intrinsically no good aside from the goodness of God.

Well-check from ... rhymes with WELL

I don't know what exactly made this well-check such a big horrible deal, but every little thing that could get Big Girl's anxiety flaring was setting her off. First of all, her teacher wanted to try and see how she'd do with a surprise pick-up. The other times she has had appointments, she's not been able to work, for watching the clock and waiting for me to pick her up. She did fine leaving the school with me. But that was where it ended. And I'm not so sure that the surprise pick-up wasn't a factor.

In the car on the way, Big Girl talked about the different rooms they have at the doctor's office. There's a jungle room, and a fire truck room, and many others. She wondered which room she'd get.

As soon as we got to the doctor's office waiting room, Big Girl had her eye on a book she wanted to look at, and another little boy got to it before she did. She was immediately in tears, and we're talking a loud "WAAAAHH!" kind of crying. When we were called back, she hadn't really calmed down any, despite my efforts to soothe her. The nurse asked her which room she wanted, the jungle room or the fire truck room, and she wanted the jungle room. When we got closer, the nurse realized there was already someone in the jungle room. More wailing.

I couldn't even hear the nurse asking me questions. We had to step out into the hall just to finish that part of the exam.

Little Girl and another 3-year-old were with us. I don't think the extra 3-year-old was really much of a factor, but Little Girl was definitely a problem. Everything she did set Big Girl off anew. It was a nightmare. It's easy to read that and think that I'm exaggerrating, but let me tell you, whatever you're imagining, it was every bit that bad, maybe even worse. At one point both Big Girl and Little Girl were both screaming. Little Girl got her little shoulder pinched more than once.

When the doctor came in to examine Big Girl, I took the little girls down the hall to the bathroom so the doctor could settle Big Girl, and so one of the little ones could use the facilities (unfortunately, not Little Girl). I actually carried Little Girl under my arm, kicking and screaming out of the room. When we came back, Big Girl was doing better, but not great. She was still very particular about everything the other girls did, which is her way, but it was amplified.

The doctor suggested I put Little Girl in some kind of daycare (mother's day out or preschool). She was concerned for me, seeing me obviously stressed. Let me tell you, that's pretty high on my priority list for next year. What's held us back so far is her lack of potty-trained-ness (which has not been going well at all lately, by the way).

After all that was over, I took the girls to grab some lunch (fast food lunch twice in one week, bad, I know) before taking Big Girl back to school. The girls did OK at lunch. Not great, but at least there wasn't crying. Why is it hard to get kids to eat? That baffles me sometimes. The little girls had to pack their fries up and finish them later because we had to get Big Girl back to school.

As we pulled into the parking lot at the school, Big Girl started crying because she thought she had missed out on working on some illustrating something or other, and her world was ending again. Trying to console her, I got down on my knees to look her in the face to tell her "there will be plenty of time to get your work done" and at that moment, the little girls were taking off across the crosswalk without me. I screamed "STOP!!" and they both came running back to me, across the crosswalk again. Stop does not mean come back!!! AAAGGGHHHH!!!! I didn't say that, I just thought it. I said something along those lines in a stern voice, but I didn't scream at them like my insides were screaming.

As we walked in the front doors of the school, Big Girl's class was lined up in the hall, just coming out of the cafeteria. Our timing was perfect. As far as her teacher is concerned, it was a beautiful and seamless transition. Never mind that most of the time I had her was so bad. It wasn't all the fault of the little ones either, though they didn't help. The thing with the book could have happened even if they hadn't been there.

It's been over an hour and a half since delivering Big Girl back to her class, and my stress level is still rather elevated from the sheer terror of our time at the doctor's office. I'm looking forward to putting the 3-year-olds down for a nap, and maybe getting one myself before time to pick up Big Girl and deliver the extra little girl to her mother.

Something's got to give. Right now it seems that my sanity is waning.

The good news (BEST NEWS EVER!!!) is that all the appointments are OVER! This week has just been INSANE with an apointment (or two) every day but yesterday. There is nothing on the calendar for next week involving doctors, dentists, or anything where they give you a confirmation call the day before. Ahhhhh...

I'm so frazzled right now I can't even think of the song in my head. Barney is on, and they just did the dumb "I love you" song to the tune of "This Old Man," so that's what's in my head at this very second. That's what I hate about Barney. They take perfectly good folk songs, or kid songs, and change the words. Bugs me to no end. But I digress... enough of that rant.

I Survived

I just got back from the dentist's office. I never saw the dentist, since I was just there for a cleaning. But really, I think a cleaning is worse than a dental exam anyway. The scraping and prodding lasts much longer.

Little Girl was with me, and she was delightful. Really. She did great! I made her a sack lunch so she could spend some of her wait-time eating. She's got to be the slowest eater on the planet, so I knew that would really take her a while, and it did. She sat on the floor next to the chair in the corner, and happily ate her sandwich and animal crackers. I also packed her a straw-style sippy cup of lemonade. After her meal, she turned to the bag of goodies I brought for her enjoyment. She played with the pencils and crayons like little action figures, and never colored in the coloring book, but whatever. She was happy and not making problems for me or the hygienist working on me.

I was very tense. That's understating it a bit. I was really a mess. As the scraping ensued, I actually shed a few tears. I had my iPod with me, and I was listening to Cake, since that was on my mind anyway. I turned it up (at the hygienist's suggestion) so I couldn't hear the scraping anymore, and was able to relax a bit, although I never really relaxed. I ratcheted down to about a 6 from an 8 on my 10-point hypothetical anxiety scale.

As I reclined there in that evil chair, I tried to wrap my brain about what makes that experience so tortuous for me. Besides just the sound and feeling of the scraping, it seems like she was all over my mouth in an unpredictable way, not going methodically from one tooth to the next, but jumping around with that evil scraper. I never knew where she was going to torture me next. Also, I don't like not being able to talk. I like talking. I like to think that I'm generally good at it. Having someone's hands in my mouth, and being rendered involuntarily speechless is really not something I enjoy. I also really hate it when the rotating polisher touches my gums. That feels horrible. I cringed and winced every time she did that, accidentally (yeah, sure). And the paste they polish with is very gritty, and I don't care what they try to do to it to make it not taste horrible, it still does. And the taste lingers. Bleh! At least when you get your teeth cleaned as an adult they don't make you do that disgusting flouride rinse.

After the polishing, and flossing, I started getting happy, thinking we were done. But then the lady pulled out the instrument of torture once more for some last minute scraping. Uncool. Very uncool.

When it was all over, and I in my car with my angelic 3.5 year old, we went to Sonic where I got her a smoothie, and got me lunch. I deserved a fatty fast food lunch after enduring all that scraping. And it made me a little happy to think about undoing some of that cleaning that had just taken place. Yeah, I have a spiteful side.

My teeth do feel good, even after my burger and tots.

One of the last songs I heard while in the chair was Cake's cover of "I Will Survive." Ironic, huh? (Warning: They use a dirty word instead of saying "stupid lock", but it's censored in the video.)

Sheep Go To Heaven - Cake

I haven't been to the dentist yet, so there's nothing new to say about that, but true to the name of this blog, this morning I have a song in my head, and it's a funny-ish one.

Cake's "Sheep Go To Heaven" is playing. I think they wrote that song just so they could say "go to hell" over and over. As we all know, sheep go to heaven, and goats go to hell. It's biblical. What can I say?

There are a lot of really neat musical things going on in that song. On the bridge, there are some counter-melodies, and the trumpet "descant"...

I hadn't really seen the video before today, so if you decide to go there and watch it, don't hold that against me. I just linked it so you could hear the song.

ARD & Pediatric Neurologist

Today was the ARD and pediatric neurologist appointment, and Hubby took an unplanned day off to come to both. How wonderful it was to be there, knowing I didn't have to retell the whole thing to him later, and also to know that I wasn't responsible for remembering any of the questions he may have had for any one of the people we met with.

So the ARD was the pre-evaluation ARD, in anticipation of the 3rd anniversary of Big Girl's initial evaluation, and therefore qualification for special ed. We basically talked about what tests they plan to give her to see what services she qualifies for. We won't be having an austism eval or a speech eval, since everyone agrees without testing that she still qualifies for those things. They want to give her an IQ test since she didn't have one before (she was only 3 after all!), and a couple other things. No big deal. Still glad Hubby came. That took quite a lot of pressure off of me, whether he realizes it or not.

The neurologist appointment went well. It was really pretty funny. When the doctor came in, he asked Big Girl a question, and then she was off and running, telling him about ladybugs and butterflies, and all kinds of semi-nonsensical stuff that just happened to pop into her head. He listened patiently. As I sat there, trying to keep myself from laughing at the funny stuff she was saying, I was thinking about how much money this man's time is worth, how many years of school he attended to become a pediatric neurologist, and now he spends 10-15 minutes listening to the imaginings of a 6 year old. How much $ was that worth? Anyway, this was the first time he has suggested Big Girl needs ocupational therapy. He wrote her a prescription for it. *Sigh* I know it will help her, and I will not deny my girl what will help her. But I'm really not happy about this. This will make life much more complicated on a regular basis. I'm jumping the gun a little bit, in that she hasn't be evalutated by an OT yet, but if she does end up needing it, the way the doctor thinks she does, then it means weekly trips to OT, figuring out what to do with Little Girl during that time, if they need me to stay, and having to kill 30 minutes-an hour with Little Girl while Big Girl is in therapy. Besides that, how much will it cost, and what will insurance cover? I was really hoping to get through her childhood without all that expense. Not because I want to deny her, but because I hoped she wouldn't need it. Well, now she does, maybe. *Sigh*

Tomorrow is the dentist for me again. Grrr... I don't want to think about that now.

I have had the Elgar in my head all day, and today I looked up Psalm 48, which is basically the text for that piece, and it has been a very nice way to meditate on the greatness of my God. So that's the song in my head today.

Busy

I realize it's been a while since my last post. It was a busy week last week. I had choir rehearsals Sunday, Monday & Thursday, then a concert Friday night.

And it took me a while to get over it. The election really bummed me out for a little while. I do believe God is in control, and I keep reminding myself of that. But I had already blogged about it, so I didn't see any need to get on here and do another post.

Friday night the girls stayed with my Mom & Dad (have I mentioned that I have the BEST parents ever?!?!) so that Hubby could come to my concert. He enjoyed it more than he thought he would. It was nice. We met for dinner before, and then a friend came to the concert, and he went with us afterward to have a little dessert. It was fun being out late, and not worrying about the kids. Then Saturday morning Hubby and I did yard work which needed to be done, and got the kids Saturday afternoon.

Sunday morning was awful with getting the girls ready for church. I was late to both services because of dealing with one or the other of them being less than cooperative for whatever reason. I missed the opening song both times, and it was choir Sunday. Can we just have a happy Sunday morning? Is that too much to ask?

Mom & Dad came over for a pot roast lunch. I did it again! I made pot roast! And this time I made gravy too, which I didn't bother with the first time since it was just Hubby and I eating it. We had a nice Sunday afternoon.

This week is shaping up to be pretty busy too, but not the same kind of busy. Last Friday I had a dentist appointment, my first since breaking off part of what I thought was an "inlay" but what turned out to be the back corner of my tooth. I found out I need about $800 worth of work done between the broken tooth and another cavity under a filling on the tooth just behind the newly broken one. Great. This is not going to encourage me to keep up with my dental health. I already have a thing about dentists (for a refresher, read here). If I wait to have all this done until we switch dental coverage, I can get the same work done for around $400, so I'm rolling the dice and putting it off until July or August. And hey, if the world ends in the next few months, then I didn't really need it done anyway, right? The gamble is that the decay will progress quickly and I'll need a root canal instead of whatever I need right now. I just hate going to the dentist. It's never good.

Today was Little Girl's first trip to the dentist. She did great. She was relaxed and cooperative, which surprised me. She's not the most cooperative kid about ANYTHING, and she far surpassed my expectations. Her strong-willed-ness was no where to be seen. Her teeth look good, no cavities. She does have a crack in the root of one of her two front teeth, which must have happened with a fall or something, but I can't for the life of me remember a fall that might have caused it (it could have happened any time in the last 2 and half years!). All that means is that it may fall out a little ahead of time, which might actually be kind of cute. And her mouth is pretty little, causing her baby teeth to not be straight. She'll definitely need some work done once those giant permanent teeth come in. Her bite is also a little off, side to side. The dentist was saying we might need to do something about that in the next year or two. Oh boy. That's fantastic. (Eyes rolling.)

Tomorrow is super busy. I mistakenly scheduled 2 appointments for Big Girl too close together. She sees a pediatric neurologist for her autism, and that appointment has been scheduled since November of 2007, and it's tomorrow at 3:00. About 3 weeks ago I scheduled her 6 year well-check, and I scheduled it for tomorrow at 2:30, not remembering about the neurologist appointment. Today I got it all worked out, and there was a cancellation at the pediatrician's office for Friday morning, so I got that appointment moved. YAY! And tomorrow morning, I have an ARD for Big Girl. That's the meeting where I sit down with the people at the school and go over what Big Girl needs as far as special ed services. I don't know why they want to meet so soon. We just had one last Spring. Oh well, I guess I'll find out tomorrow what's up with that. Little Girl will be going to that meeting, but not Big Girl. I bet Little Girl will do just great. She tends to perform pretty well with a group of adults that size, and when she's allowed to do her own thing on the floor.

Then Wednesday I have to get my teeth cleaned. More dentist. YUCK!!! I'll put on my iPod and check out as best I can during the scraping and all that. It makes my skin crawl just thinking about it.

I'm tired already just thinking about this week! At least I don't have Choral Arts rehearsals until January. But I might try to do a performance of Handel's Messiah in December. I've never sung it before. It would be fun.

I have had snippets of Britten's Cantata Misericordium, and Elgar's "Great is the Lord" from the concert Friday night in my head. I'd really like to move on, but I'm stuck. Maybe if I do the Messiah, I can have the "Hallelujah Chorus" in my head. That would be fun for a change (for a little while anyway).

Election Woes

This has certainly been an evening of extremes. People are either ecstatic, or despondent. I'm leaning toward the latter, all the while reminding myself that God is really in control. His sovereignty is not the least bit threatened by a silly election amongst His creation.

That being said...

For the years leading up to 2006 we had the White House and BOTH houses of Congress. How did we get here in 2008? Here's my analysis:

1. Bush was never the conservative we wanted him to be. Not even back in 2000 when he was narrowly elected the first time. He has since been on the wrong side of many key issues (despite being on the right side of national security):

• Campaign Finance Reform, which he signed expecting the Supreme Court to throw it out.
• Immigration Reform which never passed the Congress because of the outcry from the electorate (THANK GOD!!).
• Signing every pork bill that crossed his desk. This one is HUGE!! $$$$$$$
• He let Ted Kennedy write the education bill. (WHAT?!?!?)
  

I heard Bush speak in 1998, when he was governor of Texas, and just a possible presidential candidate. He said all the right things back then, but it's hard to believe he meant them. His "new tone" ended up meaning he bent over backwards and let the Dems have nearly everything they wanted. He did give us tax cuts, but they have an expiration date, and we can't expect them to be renewed. Not now.

2. He kept Cheney as VP in 2004, even though Cheney was vocal about not wanting to run for president (not that Cheney would have been a good candidate). Bush set us up to have a wide open primary process which got us saddled with John McCain. The more liberal Republicans in New Hampshire and South Carolina (who have reelected RINO Lindsay Graham AGAIN) got us stuck with him. Had we a VP incumbent to naturally take the helm when Bush's terms were up, it wouldn't have been McCain, no way, no how.

3. The Republicans in congress haven't separated themselves from the Democrats in congress, which set up the revolution in 2006. Too much pork. Too many scandals. Let's behave, people. Keep your pants on, and your hands clean, and don't spend our money like it's going out of style, please!!

4. McCain himself is not conservative, and not different enough from the Democrats for the Republican base to care all that much about the outcome of the election. He was on the same (wrong) side as Bush on those very issues I mentioned before, save maybe the pork. I haven't studied McCain's role in pork bills.

5, Tragically, McCain didn't call the Dems out for their folly in the economic mess that came to a head at the absolute worst time for the Republicans leading up to this election. And then he voted for the bailout. If he hadn't, I think he could have changed things enough to make a difference.

6. Sarah Palin, the best thing the McCain campaign had going for it, was not allowed to get out there and be herself. She was obviously tied by some of McCain's positions (the bailout for example), and not allowed to call things as they were (and still are).

I just hope that all this Democrat control of everything sets them up to open the door into their own noses, to give them enough rhetorical rope with which to hang themselves, etc. They'll have no one to blame for the mess they make of everything in the next few years, and we can have another Reagan landslide in 2012, only it will be a PALIN landslide next time.

God is in control. In my opinion, His favor on our nation is directly tied to our protection of Israel. God has protected us because we protect them. If our new president (President Hope 'n' Change, Hubby says) allies himself and the nation with the enemies of Israel, I believe God will no longer stay his hand.

The song in my head is a doozie. You'd never guess this one in a million years: Steven Curtis Chapman's "Got To B Tru" from The Great Adventure. Threw you for a loop there, didn't I? I loaded some vintage CCM into my iTunes this week, and that song came up more than once in Shuffle mode. I disabled that song after the second time. I couldn't take it.

Sarah Palin in 2012 campaign begins tomorrow!!!