End the Suspense

I never actually fainted yesterday. I just felt like I might for about 2 hours.

Today I'm doing much better, but then I was better on Sunday too. So is it for real this time? I don't know. I'd like to know.

I haven't taken any pain medication today, just in case that's what's making me feel sick. The pain has been bearable, which I'd have to say is progress.

I've done my best to stay on top of eating today, which I know helps.

Maroon 5, "Not Coming Home," is in my head.

I'm a fainter

Have I shared that about myself with my blog readers yet?

Well, I am.

Saturday I almost did.

Today I feel like I might. Right now, actually.

This is not good.

I think I forgot to eat.

Pain

Yeah, this is another post about my dumb tooth. Sorry, but that's my life.

IT HURTS!!

I'm so sick of being in pain.

When I take pain medication (ibuprofen during the day, and stronger stuff at night), I can tolerate it. And I even start to think, "I'm getting better. This isn't so bad." And then a few hours later, if I don't take more medication, I'm feeling it again.

That's how I woke up this morning. OUCH!!

A dentist friend on facebook (LOVE FACEBOOK!!!) let me know that it's common for the bone under the root tip to be touched during a root canal. Based on what he told me about the symptoms that would produce, I'm thinking that's what happened. He also told me that if that tooth gets stimulated (touched or whatever) that it prolongs the sensitivity. So having my crown done on Friday, after having the root canal on Tuesday, was probably not the best move for "avoidance of stimulation."

This is my not amused face. :|

And this is my "I'm in pain" face. :(

I've been listening to Maroon 5 on my iPod over the weekend. We had a live show of theirs recorded on the DVR. It was really good. They're a VERY tight band. They do interesting things musically too. I'm a fan.

MORE Dental Work

Are you kidding me???

I'm so sick of my mouth being prodded and poked. I hate all that stuff in my mouth.

I hate that I can't feel the left side of my face right now. Granted, I'd rather this than feel all the drilling and what-not that's been done to me today. I just hate it all.

Today they gassed me. I think that stuff was invented just for me. I really liked the gas. Without the gas, I was nearly hyperventilating when they were doing stuff to me. My whole body was tense. With the gas, I could feel myself relax all over. I could breathe normally.

I can understand the appeal of hard drugs. I really liked that floaty feeling. Probably a little too much. It's a good thing I'm not a drinker.

Led Zeppelin was on my iPod when the gas kicked in. I can see how those two things REALLY go together!

I now have a temporary crown over the tooth that got the root canal. Getting the permanent one shouldn't be any big deal. Still, having that next appointment on my calendar fills me with dread.

First Things First

Isn't that really the hardest thing in life? Prioritizing priorities? Ugh... I just think I get it going better and then I learn on the back end that I was missing something. Something more important than the other stuff I hadn't missed... When can I get off this ride? Where is the line for "getting it all together"? That's where I want to be...

I don't really want to tell the whole, very personal story. It's enough that you know that there are chinks in my armor. I don't have it all together, and I don't know that I ever will. I do see improvement in some areas in my life, but unfortunately they aren't worth much if it's at the expense of the most important thing(s).

"My Favorite Things" is the song in my head today.

Root Canal

Yesterday was my appointment with the endodontist. I was to be evaluated and get the work done all on the same day. It seemed like that would be the easiest- to only have to make arrangements for Little Girl once, and so I couldn't chicken out.

Knowing my history of anxiety related to dentistry, my general dentist prescribed me some Xanex to take before I went in, so that I wouldn't freak out right off the bat. That anxiety can interfere with the anesthetic's effectiveness, and it also makes it a horrible experience for me. This way, it was cut off at the pass.

Unfortunately, I didn't get that prescription filled when I filled the prescriptions for the antibiotic and the pain-killer the dentist gave me.

Something else I should note before I go on is that I hadn't been in pain for a week. I took my antibiotic for about 4 days. I also took the mega-strong pain-killers for 2 or 3 days, and then I decided to try not taking them, and just taking ibuprofen, and then I didn't even take that after a day or so. So I've been generally not in pain for a week prior to this endodontist appointment. I was, however, aware of my tooth in a way that I wasn't aware of the others. The night before seeing the endodontist, I did a mental "roll call" off my teeth to see if I could make my brain feel each tooth. I can, by the way. But that one on the lower left still wasn't the same as the others.

So here it was, yesterday morning, and I was hoping that I wouldn't need the Xanex. I was really doing a big job of self-talk, telling myself that I didn't need to take anything, and I'd be fine. By 7:00 AM, I had changed my mind. I still had time to get the Rx filled and take the medicine in time for my 10:00 AM appointment. I went to the pharmacy around the corner from my house before I fed Big Girl her breakfast. I was home by 7:06.

The morning progressed otherwise like usual. I walked Big Girl to school, I walked back home. I got Little Girl dressed.

The biggest difference of the day was that Hubby was staying home to take care of Little Girl while I had my appointment. Since I hadn't been in pain, I had nearly forgotten all about the endodontist appointment entirely, and I hadn't made arrangements with a friend to take care of Little Girl. Hubby's job is flexible enough sometimes that he can do this sort of thing in a pinch.

I got myself ready, and took the Xanex at 9:30, and went to my appointment.

As I was sitting in the waiting room, filling out paperwork, I could tell the Xanex was starting to kick in. I was very mellow, which is unlike me (anyone who knows me can verify!). I was still aware of my surroundings, I was able to sign consent forms and such, I just moved slower than normal.

They called me back to the chair. I went. It was super cold in that room back there, and they had a blanket for me to put over myself.

After the endodontist did some "tests" (he whacked on my tooth until it hurt, and he had me chew on a plastic thingy until it hurt, stuff like that), then he verified that I needed the root canal. Once they didn't need to talk to me anymore, I put my iPod in and turned it up.

I don't remember a whole lot else. I know they put a big rubber thing in my mouth on the right side to hold my mouth open. I also remember thatI was still cold, so they put another blanket on me. I remember some shots, and not liking that at all. And then I remember nothing else. I fell asleep. It was great.

When I woke up, Hubby was there with Little Girl to take me home. They had called him, knowing I wouldn't be able to drive after being on the Xanex. So we left my car there until later when my mom took Hubby to go get it. (She works at the school here in our neighborhood, and the endodontist's office isn't very far out of her way going home.) It all worked out.

I went home around 12:30 I'm told (I don't remember), went upstairs (I do remember this part) and went straight to bed. I left my purse on the landing of the stairs. I didn't even stop to put it where I usually put it in the kitchen. I slept until after 4:00. I'm so glad it was Hubby staying with me and not a friend. There's no way I could have done that with a friend. I don't remember anything from the time I went upstairs to hearing the sound of Big Girl's voice in the house and thinking how odd it was that she was home. I didn't realize it had been over 3 hours.

So the moral of the story is this: if you take a Xanex, allow for it to knock you out for the rest of the day.

I don't even remember what songs I listened to in the chair...

The Obedience/Blessing Principle

About a year ago, or maybe more, a guy came to preach at our church from somewhere (real specific, huh), and he said, "Obedience brings blessing, disobedience brings conflict." He had hand motions to go along with it. He'd hug his arms across his chest for "blessing" and he'd rub his rear. He used that with his kids, and the meaning is obvious. The principle holds true for everyone, child and grown-up alike.

Our Sunday school class (that's what I'll call it til I die, no matter what other fancy words the church tries to use) just began a study of Isaiah today. The first chapter of Isaiah is pretty bleak. Isaiah is going on about how horrible the people have behaved toward God and that really bad things are going to happen because God isn't going to put up with it anymore. He does give them a little glimmer of hope, that the bad things don't have to happen if the people straighten up. After reading the chapter our class had a discussion.

Time out for some kudos for our teacher. He sees his role as facilitating discussion, and he does his best to ask questions to illicit responses from everyone. Sometimes his job is harder than others, like today when we began our discussion of Isaiah. He does a great job. I have huge respect for him.

In the discussion, we were talking about the consequences of sin, and if there really are consequences in the short term for our sin. That got me to thinking about the blessing principle. God is waiting, wanting to bless His children. When we obey He pours out those blessings. When we disobey, I'm talking in the little things, the secret things, God cannot pour out those blessings because He cannot endorse our disobedience. Just like He can't give us the desires of our hearts when we are not delighting in Him.

And really, that's the point of the most important obedience. Delighting in Him. If we're doing that, the things that trip us up, that we know are sinful, are less attractive. They are considerably less appealing than the desires of our hearts, which we know we really want. Those little things, like watching a TV show I know is not good for me, or giving in to anger and snapping at my kids, are not worth forfeiting the blessings of God and the desires of my heart. Those kids ARE the desires of my heart. I prayed and prayed for them before I had them. Seeing them grow up to honor God with their lives is another HUGE desire of my heart! My behavior matters, and has lasting consequences.

Those are things I'm thinking about today. I hope that there's something here you can take away that blesses you. I hope you are spurred on to obedience.

Today the song in my head is "Love Lifted Me," the song with which we closed out this morning's service. It's in 6/8 time signature, and it just makes me smile. I've learned that I'm a sucker for 6/8. There's not a good representation of our church's version of that song available on YouTube. We don't do it the stiff way the good old Baptists did it 50 years ago. (Not that there's anything wrong with stiffness or good old Baptists- that sort of thing has its place, but it's just not in our church! Anyone who knows my church can back me on this!)