Drapes, Big Girl and Politics

This weekend has been a particularly productive one. I've pleated my drapes!! Now all that's left is to hang the hardware, see how long they need to be, and then hem them. I hope to have that all done by next weekend. There are a few more steps than that, for one, the rods all need to be cut, and then fixed together to be one giant rod. Then the hemmed drapes will need to be hung. And I think that Hubby and I will be working on that stuff just the two of us, so pray for us in this as projects of this nature test the mettle of our marriage. (I jest, but prayer is always welcome!)

Big Girl continues to be stressed about eating, which is very difficult because it comes up regularly, each day. It's not like we can just avoid the subject. She thinks she'll get sick and/or throw up if she eats. We had a major ordeal about getting her to eat 1/4 of a hamburger yesterday, and today she wouldn't eat even 1/3 of a grilled cheese sandwich. She has shown no signs of actually being sick. Her sleep seems to be better, she napped quite a lot on Friday, and she napped each day this weekend as well. I think it's safe to say that right now her worst fear is of throwing up. If this continues another week, I'm going to move up our appointment to see the pediatric neurologist, if that's possible. We have an appointment for November. The likelihood of getting in sooner seems slim. At any rate, this year I'll actually have something to talk about with him.

I passed up my opportunity for a Sunday afternoon nap to work on the drapes. I'm feeling it now, that's for sure!

We sang "Burdens Rolled Away" this morning in church. We had our former drummer drumming with the band this morning, and he's totally awesome. All the music today just had a special something, and I don't think it was all because of him, but his playing certainly didn't hurt! It was a blessed morning of worship, both times around! So now, at the end of the day, all the songs we did this morning, including "Burdens Rolled Away" are rolling around in my head. Others on the program this morning: "Days of Elijah," "On My Lips," "Prepare the Way," & "Mighty to Save." It was a good service.

Something else that's been on my mind that I have failed to mention is the current economic mess. Our pastor spoke about this briefly this morning, and he was spot on with what I'd been thinking about and praying about late last week. Whatever pain is brought about, God will use it for the good of humanity. We naturally have an aversion to suffering, and we don't want it to happen, but we can't stop it a lot of times. Suffering is so often the vehicle God uses to bring about changes in our lives that need to happen. This current economic squeeze will hopefully bring an end to our country's love affair with money. I personally hope that the $700 BILLION dollar bailout doesn't happen, because it will mean that nothing is really better, they're just delaying the eventual crumbling of the system, pinning it on our kids and their kids. And the objection I've heard to my point of view is that innocent people will lose their jobs. I lay that concern to the side with the faith that God is at work, and He will provide. Whatever plan the politicians eventually go with, I pray it is based on sound principles and not more of the same inanity that got all this started. I have prayed for my congressmen and senators like never before. Anyway, my point about all this is that we have to face it with an attitude of faith and not one of fear. Is our God bigger than this or is He not?

The Night I Had

This morning I'm the kind of tired you feel all over. I think my hair is even tired.

My poor Big Girl feels the same tiredness too. This morning she didn't want to get up, she didn't want to get dressed, she didn't want to eat breakfast, and she certainly didn't want to go to school. But she did most of that anyway, at my prodding. She ate a few bites of breakfast and then suggested she donate the rest to her sister who wasn't up yet.

Last night about 2:30 AM, she came to my bedroom door screaming that she needed to throw up. I was on my feet instantly and trying to help her any way I could, holding her hair, getting the potty ring up and whatnot, but she never did anything. After maybe 10 seconds of that, she went back to bed in as dramatic a fashion as she woke me up. I went back to bed praying she wouldn't throw up.

About an hour later, same thing, only this time it was over even faster. She never actually threw up. I think she's remembering and stressing out about the little bug that has now passed between all us girls in the house. Other than fatigue, there's nothing wrong with her this morning that I can tell. She has expressive language deficits, and I just don't know if the words she's using are the ones she really means or if she's thinking something else, and the words just aren't there. Her vocabulary is vast, but when it comes to telling how she feels, it definitely breaks down. It's not that I don't trust her intentions, I just can't trust her words.

Big Girl has not been quite herself all week. It started with being line-leader, and she hasn't really recovered. I'm just left scratching my head and wondering what (if anything) I'm supposed to do about it. I'll definitely make her lay down for a nap this afternoon when she gets home from school. She needs it.

I just found out that Hubby will be coming home tonight, HOORAY!!! I know he and Big Girl have a way of communicating that works for them, so hopefully he can get to the bottom of whatever is going on.

I have "Once in a Lifetime," by the Talking Heads, in my head. It's a very strange song, but very cool too. What's with this 80's kick lately? Oh well. They clip the ends of the phrases in the chorus which annoys me a little (that music snob in me anyway), but still... interesting song.

The REAL Song in My Head...

As I got up from the computer, having typed that last post, and poked around on facebook for a little while, I was whistling "Dancing Queen" to myself. The brain is a curious thing, is it not? Yesterday on a local radio show in the afternoon, the host was complaining about the lame music groups currently up for nomination into the Rock 'N' Roll Hall of Fame, one of those being a roller-disco group I hadn't really heard of. That got me thinking about other lame disco groups/songs, which led me to "Dancing Queen." (Sorry to you Abba lovers out there, but it's pretty lame. Catchy, but lame.)

I think I would have ordinarily just shared that with Hubby, but since he's away, I'm sharing it with everybody. Hope you don't mind. Enjoy thinking about "Dancing Queen." I dare you not to sing it right now in your head, just to yourself. You've got it in your head now too, don't you. Yeah, thought so.

(Honestly, when I post the song in my head, I do truthfully report what's in my head either right then, or else tell you when it was in my head. It's just that I'd been thinking this one for a while, and it took a break for a few hours with choir practice, and then planted itself right back in the front of my head. I want you to know that I do my utmost best to faithfully reveal the inner workings of my crazy mind by sharing the songs in my head, and it is not something contrived just for continuity on a blog. This is my nutty psyche at work, like it or not!)

"Where you die, I will die" & a Smattering of Other Stuff

"Where you die, I will die."

As I was driving my girls home from AWANA's tonight, I heard Big Girl say this to Little Girl. There's just nothing quite like a 5-year-old with such a keen sense of her own mortality. Turns out they studied Ruth and Naomi for their bible story tonight, and she said this to her sister as something she thought would be a nice thing to say. Sisterly love. That's always sweet to hear.

Yesterday was a rough day. I was in a sort of funk, still digesting all that had gone on with Little Girl this past weekend, and dealing with her in a way that would elicit affirmative responses and squelch rebellion without me losing my mind. The two of us went grocery shopping, and she was really quite good at the store. As we left, she wanted to walk across the parking lot without holding my hand. I made her come back and start over, holding my hand. That went better than it would have last week. I think she's really making some good progress, and so am I.

Then yesterday afternoon, about 4, I finally was stricken with whatever it was that the girls had the week before. I tossed my cookies (actually it was grapes), and felt just completely awful for the rest of the day. Why is it that these things seem to happen when Hubby is out of town? My sweet friend let my girls dine with her family so I didn't have to look at or think about food.

Thank the Lord that today I am much improved. No sick feeling, and I found my appetite. It's not quite 100%, but then I could probably afford a lessened appetite!

Today was my day "off", so I sent Little Girl off with my swap partner (I'll get her 3-year-old next week), and I went to my mom & dad's house to use the sewing machine. Today was the first day I got to work on my drapes! I put in 5 hours, and so far I'm pretty sure I haven't done anything to mess them up fatally! (When you cut on fabric worth that much money, it's pretty nerve-wracking!) I hope I can finish them in one more work-day, and then put up the hardware, then measure for the hem and then get the whole project done, and have some COLOR in my living room!

Then I can go on to the next project. Believe me, this project thing with me never stops. It really keeps me going, makes me tick. When I'm in a project (one that's going well, anyway) it improves my entire outlook.

Tomorrow I have an exterminator coming. Don't you just love the exterminator? Saturday we found two roaches, one dead, and one alive caught in the rug by the front door and quickly killed with the fly swatter. It was enough motivation for us to make that phone call. And Saturday we thought we had a dead rodent in the wall somewhere near/in the pantry. There was a smell. You know that smell, right? It was horrible! Luckily, late Saturday night, I tracked the smell to some potatoes I had forgotten about in the rack on the inside of the pantry door. We had been looking in the pantry itself, and had neglected to check the door for the offender. What a relief! No rodents!

Right now the song in my head is the one our "choir" is singing on Sunday morning, "Burdens Rolled Away." I "sarcasterized" the word choir because our church choir isn't really what you're probably thinking of as a church choir. We only do our thang once a month at the most, and the only practices requared are the two Wednesday nights leading up to the Sunday we sang. It's a good example of the laid back nature of our church in general. It's refreshingly free. For someone like me who thrives on musical perfection, it can be a bit frustrating, but I understand that it has it's place. There's a love in that room when we're assembled together, singing praises to our Lord, that can't be found elsewhere. I'm thankful to be a part of it.

Parenting Isn't Easy

I've taken a step back from my blog over the last couple of days. Things happened from which I needed to detach myself emotionally before I could share here.

Sunday was one of the hardest days I've had with my Little Girl. Her refusals started first thing, which set the tone for the rest of the morning and into the afternoon. I won't repeat the details. Just know that it got so bad that I was in tears at my parents house after church. She had a good long nap that afternoon (without eating lunch first, by her own choice), and woke up as the sweetest little thing. And she was sweet yesterday, and so far today (it's not much past 8:00 AM, but still, it was already bad by this time on Sunday). In fact, she stood by me just a second ago flashing a very cute, teethy grin.

She's had relative success with the potty of late. She still doesn't tell me when she needs to go, but she's gone day after day with no more than one accident. That's not too bad for a novice. I'm still convinced that her lateness in potty-training is related to the attitude junk she's been pulling. A kid who can stay dry overnight is more than capable of doing the rest. Seems like that's the hardest part, and she's got it down.

Admittedly, I've been stressing out about Little Girl. If she's this difficult to deal with now, what will she be like at 13? At 16? You get the idea. The consequences now are no big deal, but later on, it's a different ball game. I firmly believe that the battle for later must be won here and now. To give up now is to fail her. I love her so very much. It pains me to think that she will have to learn all of life's lessons the hard way. Unless things change, that's the road she's choosing. My heart is burdened for her. Pray for me, and pray for her.

And this all came about as Hubby was leaving again for another week of working out of town. Not only am I fighting this very important, very tiring battle full time (she's the kid that's home with me all the time), there's no one coming home to help me in the evenings. I need that pep-talk at the end of the day to say that I'm doing it right. I need encouragement to fight another day.

But like I said, she's been super sweet for the better part of 2 days now. I know how good it can be, how cooperative she can be. She's cute, and snuggly, and oh so sweet. I want to enjoy it, but part of me is waiting for her to change back into Mr. Hyde (or Dr. Jeckyl, whichever one was the bad one).

This parenting thing isn't easy.

To make things even more fun, when Little Girl throws a screaming, crying fit, it sets off her autistic sister who can't handle the sounds of screaming and crying. (We need to get some of those things that the guys wear who work at the airport, directing the planes to the gate. I think they have something like that for her to wear at school.) I just feel bad for Big Girl to suffer so when her little sister is just being rebellious. I guess that happens in all families to some degree, when one child's choices impact another child. When Mom has to "pull this car over right now," the innocent child doesn't get to keep on going. The car stops for everyone.

The song in my head this morning, is "Fat," by Weird Al. Yes, I'm feeling fat, and that's what started this song in my head today. "When I sit around the house, I really sit around the house..."

Praise God!

The baby that I mentioned some time back, the one born at 24 weeks back in July has made some major progress. She's off many of the heavy drugs with dangerous side effects, and she's now breathing enough on her own to only need a little tube in her nose instead of the CPAP machine she had been on. They still expect her to be in the NICU for a long while yet, but the news is good. Thank you for praying.

Yesterday Hubby and I watched more VH1 80's programming, "The Top 100 Songs of the 80's." We watched enough of it to see "Sweet Dreams," by the Eurythmics as #50 on the countdown. I think that song was totally underrated. It's in my top 10 of 80's songs, along with "Jump," "Every Move You Make," and "With or Without You." Anyway, "Sweet Dreams" has been in my head since yesterday evening.

A New Tactic

In our "war on rebellion," Hubby and I have employed a new strategy. With our precious Little Girl, we now appeal to her love and desire for all things "princess." I have shared before about her "I can't" response to most things. We now have another weapon in our arsenal. We ask her if she wants to be a "NO-monster" or a "YES-princess." So far this has brought on more affirmative responses than anything else we've tried in the past.

It has also backfired just a bit. Today she asked me if she could watch a particular movie, and my answer was "no." This exchange ensued:

Little Girl: Don't be a "NO-monster," be a "YES-princess."
Me: I'm not a princess. I'm the queen. The queen can say no because the queen is the boss.
Little Girl: Oh.

No time to think about songs tonight. It's shower time for my two dirty girls!