Here it comes...

This week is the choir directors' convention. It's the unofficial start to my school year. Choir directors from across the state get together, read through new music, visit vendors' booths, and learn from others how to solve problems in our classrooms or rehearse better, or whatever. It's a nice time to socialize with other choir directors around the district and region, and hang out in the hotel bars after hours. (I sit with my diet coke and watch the others drink, in case anyone is wondering. I have plenty of fun without drinking alcohol.) It's like a working vacation.

The only down side is that it means school is right around the corner.

But a good thing is that school is right around the corner.

I'm having mixed emotions about starting this school year. The spring semester of this past year was a very rough one, with major debates about school funding and lay-offs of teachers and morale so bad, and I definitely don't want to go back to that atmosphere. I miraculously survived the cuts (which I am not taking for granted), and I am returning to the same position I have had for the previous two years. The insecurity released upon the teachers of our state has not left me. I don't feel free to just do my job.

I have shared previously about the fact that I teach at two schools, one with the largest middle school choir program in the district, and the other with the smallest middle school choir program in the district. In both cases, we have to keep enrollment up for me to have a job. The big choir school is adding a choir class from last year to this year, so that's good. Enrollment is up. At my other school, the choir program went from 9 students in May of 2010 to 19 student in May of 2011. That's over 100% increase. That's good. But is it good enough? I feel like I have to fight for that choir to exist. Am I ready to fight another year?

How do I get kids to sign up for choir (at the tiny choir school)? It's a tricky question. I am not allowed to "RECRUIT". Most of the growth I've experienced has come from the counselors steering students to my class when they move in to our school. The counselors trust me more the longer I'm there. Four of my five boys last year were move-ins. And that's great. I love that I get students that way. The downside of this is those students missing whatever I've taught through the year in the way of music literacy and good vocal technique. Those kids just aren't going to be ready for contest come March or April the way the others are.

I really do love my job, teaching kids to sing in an ensemble to the best of their collective ability, and teaching music literacy. I always think I can do better. I have the same self-scrutiny and criticism about my teaching as I do about mothering. There's always so much that can be done better. And I do get down on myself when I see mistakes. The good thing about teaching is the start of a new school year, before the mistakes are set patterns. There's always that chance to set new, better patterns that improve the choir, the class, and even the teacher. With parenting, it's much harder to find the point to start over and correct the mistakes and set a new trajectory going forward.

I can see many differences in my teaching and in the students I've had between the two years I've taught since having the girls. It will be interesting to see what's different this year from last year. I need to keep my perspective on anticipating the good and not on dreading the bad.

So here it comes. Summer is nearly over and Fall with its new beginnings is almost here. What will this year bring? Time will tell.

The song in my head today has a story to go with it. "You Make Me Smile," came on the radio this afternoon as we left church. My dad had been sitting next to Big Girl in the pew this morning, and he said those words to her, "You make me smile." "No, I don't," she said. "You choose to smile." How right she is. It's a choice.