Little Girl had a rough day. Some things she had been doing last week and today caught up to her. Her initial response was to lie about it.
She put us in a box. We had to do something about it. We couldn't let another day go by without meting out consequences for her.
I think Hubby and I made some good parenting choices, talking to Little Girl very matter-of-fact about what she did and what we had to do, no raised voices.
I'm just so sad for Little Girl. I hope she'll truly learn from what she's done.
This song in my head all afternoon seems appropriate. Jars of Clay, "Much Afraid."
Monday, August 29, 2011
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Fun Family Moment
Last night, yesterday evening really, Hubby suggested to the girls that they take a bubble bath in our giant master bathtub. So they did. The copious bubbles floated up tho their chins when we had the jets going. The girls made bubble beards and we took pictures. Those are probably going to be the last bath pictures I get to take of my kids. There were so many bubbles it was a G-rated picture. I think they enjoyed the bath and the bubbles, and the novelty of using our tub. We've lived in this house with that bathtub for nearly four years, and this was the first time the girls had used it.
Hubby is on a Cake spree right now, having just completed our collection with the couple of albums of theirs we didn't already have. While I don't know the songs he just added, I have an oldie in my head, "Guitar."
Hubby is on a Cake spree right now, having just completed our collection with the couple of albums of theirs we didn't already have. While I don't know the songs he just added, I have an oldie in my head, "Guitar."
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Blessings Come Full Circle
Twice recently (here and here) I have blogged about "Psalm 20," the song by Eternity on their Light of the World album. What I have not made public is that I have been personally connected to the director/founder of the group, Joe, my whole life. My parents were members of Eternity in their newlywed days and I myself was a member for a short time. Light of the World came out when I was a kid. I've known those songs for a very long time. We had it on vinyl at my house, and dad made a cassette tape to take in the car. Both of those technologies are long since past their relevance, so I had not heard that music at all in the last 10 years, at least.
About 2 years ago I got the mp3 files from the director/founder of the group who is someone I still know and see. I loaded them onto my computer, but I hadn't really listened to them much until a few months ago. Now I'm being blessed by it more than I ever thought possible.
Tonight I saw Joe. I had to tell him about how God has used that music that he produced all those years ago is currently touching my heart. I couldn't tell him about it without crying, and now "Psalm 20" is in my head again. It's not the music that gets me. It's the complex vocals and the TEXT! It's glorious! And it's in 6/8 meter, which is my all-time favorite. So catchy.
About 2 years ago I got the mp3 files from the director/founder of the group who is someone I still know and see. I loaded them onto my computer, but I hadn't really listened to them much until a few months ago. Now I'm being blessed by it more than I ever thought possible.
Tonight I saw Joe. I had to tell him about how God has used that music that he produced all those years ago is currently touching my heart. I couldn't tell him about it without crying, and now "Psalm 20" is in my head again. It's not the music that gets me. It's the complex vocals and the TEXT! It's glorious! And it's in 6/8 meter, which is my all-time favorite. So catchy.
3 down, 177 to go!
After three days of school, I am very encouraged.
At the giant choir school I am no longer teaching the non-varsity 7th and 8th grade girls choir, which I was very sad about at first. What we did last year was that I would teach one section of JV girls, and one section of 6th grade choir, and the other director would also teach a section of JV girls and a section of 6th grade, and then each composite choir would perform together under my direction. Since I'm not teaching a section of JV this year, I'll no longer be directing that group in concerts or at contest. It felt like a step backward, like a demotion. My first year at that school, I had only taught 6th grade, the second year I taught 6th grade and the JV girls, and now I'm back to only 6th grade. The decision was made for the good of the students who will now get consistent instruction between the two sections of the composite classes, and not because I wasn't doing a good job. It also makes for an easier year between us two teachers. We no longer have to coordinate with each other, which wasn't happening very well anyway, and we can manage our own classes. In concerts the students will be more comfortable because they're all be directed by the person they're used to seeing in class.
Anyway, I'm just teaching 6th graders now, and as it turns out, all that thinking I had been doing about music planning is paying off. So far I haven't done much singing with the students besides the major scale, and solfege drills, but we have to start somewhere. I have been teaching singing technique, which never stops, of course. We teach singing technique EVERY DAY to some degree or other. I'm struggling to learn names in my 6th grade classes. It will help to get them all voiced into sections and then make a seating chart. I did teach them the basic melody for the round we'll be using for our first song, "Oh How Lovely is the Evening."
Then the major reason I'm so encouraged by this school year is my tiny choir at the tiny choir school. In my class right now I have 22 students in there, and the majority of them are 7th and 8th graders that were in the choir last year. From my first year to my second, I only had two kids come back. Compare that to thirteen this year, and I can tell from the first moment they sang a major scale that it's going to be a very good year. I know some of the mistakes I made last year, starting with songs that were too hard, not being a stickler for technique early enough, things like that. This year I'm starting on the right track in regards to discipline, and also my teaching. I think I've covered quite a bit of ground, content-wise, in the first three days, even though much of today was spent playing a get-to-know-you name game.
Last year I know I did at least one thing very right. My tiny choir had a wonderful sense of community. It was completely apparent when this year, on the first day of school, the thirteen students who already knew me came in with arms wide open, squealing with excitement for a hug. They were doing this with each other, and not just me. It was really a wonderful sight. I could tell by the looks on the faces of the new kids that they wanted what we already had. Today's name game was a good four or five steps down the road to getting there. The students had to say each others' name, and what was the favorite animal and color for each person. It took about half an hour, but I really feel it was worth while. Tomorrow we can start on "Non Nobis Domine," and "Kookaburra." (I'm afraid our "Non Nobis" will sound a little more like this one!) I found this clip with unnecessary censorship. It's good for a laugh... These two songs are very simple on the surface, but I can glean so much to teach through both of them!
It's gonna be a fantastic year!
At the giant choir school I am no longer teaching the non-varsity 7th and 8th grade girls choir, which I was very sad about at first. What we did last year was that I would teach one section of JV girls, and one section of 6th grade choir, and the other director would also teach a section of JV girls and a section of 6th grade, and then each composite choir would perform together under my direction. Since I'm not teaching a section of JV this year, I'll no longer be directing that group in concerts or at contest. It felt like a step backward, like a demotion. My first year at that school, I had only taught 6th grade, the second year I taught 6th grade and the JV girls, and now I'm back to only 6th grade. The decision was made for the good of the students who will now get consistent instruction between the two sections of the composite classes, and not because I wasn't doing a good job. It also makes for an easier year between us two teachers. We no longer have to coordinate with each other, which wasn't happening very well anyway, and we can manage our own classes. In concerts the students will be more comfortable because they're all be directed by the person they're used to seeing in class.
Anyway, I'm just teaching 6th graders now, and as it turns out, all that thinking I had been doing about music planning is paying off. So far I haven't done much singing with the students besides the major scale, and solfege drills, but we have to start somewhere. I have been teaching singing technique, which never stops, of course. We teach singing technique EVERY DAY to some degree or other. I'm struggling to learn names in my 6th grade classes. It will help to get them all voiced into sections and then make a seating chart. I did teach them the basic melody for the round we'll be using for our first song, "Oh How Lovely is the Evening."
Then the major reason I'm so encouraged by this school year is my tiny choir at the tiny choir school. In my class right now I have 22 students in there, and the majority of them are 7th and 8th graders that were in the choir last year. From my first year to my second, I only had two kids come back. Compare that to thirteen this year, and I can tell from the first moment they sang a major scale that it's going to be a very good year. I know some of the mistakes I made last year, starting with songs that were too hard, not being a stickler for technique early enough, things like that. This year I'm starting on the right track in regards to discipline, and also my teaching. I think I've covered quite a bit of ground, content-wise, in the first three days, even though much of today was spent playing a get-to-know-you name game.
Last year I know I did at least one thing very right. My tiny choir had a wonderful sense of community. It was completely apparent when this year, on the first day of school, the thirteen students who already knew me came in with arms wide open, squealing with excitement for a hug. They were doing this with each other, and not just me. It was really a wonderful sight. I could tell by the looks on the faces of the new kids that they wanted what we already had. Today's name game was a good four or five steps down the road to getting there. The students had to say each others' name, and what was the favorite animal and color for each person. It took about half an hour, but I really feel it was worth while. Tomorrow we can start on "Non Nobis Domine," and "Kookaburra." (I'm afraid our "Non Nobis" will sound a little more like this one!) I found this clip with unnecessary censorship. It's good for a laugh... These two songs are very simple on the surface, but I can glean so much to teach through both of them!
It's gonna be a fantastic year!
Monday, August 22, 2011
Psalm 103:1-5
At least twice in the last couple of days I have been prompted to encourage a friend with this passage of scripture. I have it memorized in a paraphrase version so that the pronouns are more personal.
Praise the Lord, o my soul, all my inmost being praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, o my soul, and forget not all his benefits.
For He forgives all my sin, and He heals all my diseases,
He redeems my life from the pit and crowns me with love and compassion.
He satisfies all my desires with all good things so that my youth is renewed like the eagle's.
This is my go-to passage for waiting on God. It's one of the hardest things in life to do, wait for God to do something you want to run ahead and do for yourself. When times like that come up, and they come up so often, it's important to remember that God's solution to whatever is going on is way better than anything you could come up with for yourself.
This passage has a very important progression which can help us when we have to wait on God. First, it starts with praising God for who He is. "His HOLY NAME." God's essence is in His name. He has so many names, so many attributes for which we can praise Him. It's always a good place to start.
Then next it goes on to praise God for what He has done. "He forgives my sins and He heals my diseases." That's all good, but "He redeems my life from the pit." That reminds us who we are without Him. Without His redemption, we are lower than low. So low, in fact, that we're in a hole with no way out but His redeeming love. And when He redeems us, "He crowns me with love and compassion." He has elevated us beyond what we deserve. We, in our sin, really deserve that pit, and He gives us a crown. Praise the Lord, indeed!
Finally this passage goes on to praise God for what He has yet to do. "He satisfies all my desires with all good things." HE satisfies... Every time I try to satisfy myself, I come up empty. Thirsty. Unsatisfied in the end. Real satisfaction comes from God. Whatever it is I'm waiting for, God's answer to the question is so much better than I could imagine for myself. God is not Lucy setting up Charlie Brown's football again and again. He places desires in us that He longs to fulfill in the very best possible way. Even though things may not make sense to us with what we can see from our vantage point (remember, sometimes we're looking at things from the PIT!), God sees the end from the beginning and it will all make sense in time. There is trust in a loving Father to be built in these times. A safe thing to ask God in times of waiting on Him is either for Him to satisfy whatever that desire may be, or else change the desire. Since God is not all about frustrating us, He will answer that sincere prayer in the way that is best.
I have had many opportunities to practice this "waiting on God" stuff, and each time it seems I can get out of the pit of despair a little quicker than the last time. I definitely don't have this mastered yet. It's still a work in progress. I just thought I'd share it, since it seems to be coming up so much lately.
May the God who makes us holy make you worthy of His call, fulfilling His great purpose with the power to save us all. May the fire of His spirit make you faithful, strong and true, and the name of Christ, our savior, may be glorified in you.
Praise the Lord, o my soul, all my inmost being praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, o my soul, and forget not all his benefits.
For He forgives all my sin, and He heals all my diseases,
He redeems my life from the pit and crowns me with love and compassion.
He satisfies all my desires with all good things so that my youth is renewed like the eagle's.
This is my go-to passage for waiting on God. It's one of the hardest things in life to do, wait for God to do something you want to run ahead and do for yourself. When times like that come up, and they come up so often, it's important to remember that God's solution to whatever is going on is way better than anything you could come up with for yourself.
This passage has a very important progression which can help us when we have to wait on God. First, it starts with praising God for who He is. "His HOLY NAME." God's essence is in His name. He has so many names, so many attributes for which we can praise Him. It's always a good place to start.
Then next it goes on to praise God for what He has done. "He forgives my sins and He heals my diseases." That's all good, but "He redeems my life from the pit." That reminds us who we are without Him. Without His redemption, we are lower than low. So low, in fact, that we're in a hole with no way out but His redeeming love. And when He redeems us, "He crowns me with love and compassion." He has elevated us beyond what we deserve. We, in our sin, really deserve that pit, and He gives us a crown. Praise the Lord, indeed!
Finally this passage goes on to praise God for what He has yet to do. "He satisfies all my desires with all good things." HE satisfies... Every time I try to satisfy myself, I come up empty. Thirsty. Unsatisfied in the end. Real satisfaction comes from God. Whatever it is I'm waiting for, God's answer to the question is so much better than I could imagine for myself. God is not Lucy setting up Charlie Brown's football again and again. He places desires in us that He longs to fulfill in the very best possible way. Even though things may not make sense to us with what we can see from our vantage point (remember, sometimes we're looking at things from the PIT!), God sees the end from the beginning and it will all make sense in time. There is trust in a loving Father to be built in these times. A safe thing to ask God in times of waiting on Him is either for Him to satisfy whatever that desire may be, or else change the desire. Since God is not all about frustrating us, He will answer that sincere prayer in the way that is best.
I have had many opportunities to practice this "waiting on God" stuff, and each time it seems I can get out of the pit of despair a little quicker than the last time. I definitely don't have this mastered yet. It's still a work in progress. I just thought I'd share it, since it seems to be coming up so much lately.
May the God who makes us holy make you worthy of His call, fulfilling His great purpose with the power to save us all. May the fire of His spirit make you faithful, strong and true, and the name of Christ, our savior, may be glorified in you.
The children are coming!
The children are coming! They come tomorrow in our district. This was our last work day. I had my girls up at my schools with me today. I have done enough to get started tomorrow, but there's always more to be done... Ready or not...
One of the things going on in our house is that Hubby and I have bought a new bed for ourselves. The deliver guys will be here soon. They've already made the call that they're on their way. I don't know who really cares about stuff like that, but it's on my mind, so it ends up here...
I'm really sad about tomorrow morning. I have duty starting at 7:50, which means if I want to park on campus anywhere, I better get there at 7:20 or so. What this means is that I'll miss the first day of school taking my children to school this year. In the past couple years the administrators were OK with me showing up just a bit late in order to be there to walk my kids to school on the first day. This year I didn't think to ask, and since I didn't arrange it ahead of time, I'm assuming it's a no go. At least I don't have a Kindergarten kid this year, or I'd be in tears. I'll send Hubby with the camera, and he BETTER TAKE GOOD PICTURES!! (I know he'll read this! ;o))
So what song is in my head on the first-day-of-school eve? "I See the Light," from Tangled, is one of the songs the 6th grade girls' choir will be singing. They're gonna love it!
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Sleep
As a baby, I am told, I was one of those who didn't need much sleep, much to the frustration of my mother. As a little kid, I remember being put to bed for naps, and laying there, feeling trapped, counting the minutes until it would be acceptable for me to "wake up" and come out. As a teenager I could sleep all day. In my high school and college years I could stay up all night and catch up with naps here and there. I've had bouts with insomnia on and off in my adult years, mostly attributable to grief or some other stress. Since I've started back to work, I've been too tired to not sleep at night.
Here lately, this week especially, it seems like I can't sleep in anymore. Six AM rolls around, and my internal alarm goes off, and no matter how hard I try, sleep will not return. Here it is, Saturday morning, and I've been awake for about two hours. I've only been out of bed for a little over half that time, spending the first portion willing my eyes to stay closed and my mind to stop spiraling like a whirlpool of thought fragments...
Yesterday I went to work and hour earlier than needed just because I had myself ready to go so early. I can see this being a good thing for productivity. I can also see myself running out of gas a little too early in the day as well.
I was hoping to sleep past eight this morning... maybe even nine. Now I'll just have to plan on taking a nap this afternoon. Saturday is my ONLY day to get to sleep in. If on Monday morning I have one of those mornings when I struggle to pry myself from the pillow, it's going to irritate me further that I couldn't sleep this morning. But what can I do about it?
Monday, August 15, 2011
Personal Struggles
Toward the very end of this post, I alluded to something which I wasn't ready to talk about yet. In today's earlier post, I alluded to being frustrated about something at work which I cannot blog about. So in order to shift my mind from what I want (but can't) blog about, I'm going to delve into that previous topic and hope it consumes my thoughts in such a way that I will no longer be stuck on what I'm currently stuck on. Make sense? Hope so.
Last summer I had been convicted by God to stop watching a particular TV show. It's a prime time drama, and many of the plot lines involve sexual escapades by the main characters. The particular TV show is not what's important here. The important thing is that I knew without a doubt that God had pricked my heart and let me know in no uncertain terms that my watching that show was not OK with Him. I cancelled the recording on my DVR so that new episodes would no longer be waiting for me every week, and I went on with life, and pretty much forgot about that show. Until recently it has been added to Netflix streaming...
Has God changed His message to me about what's OK for me to watch? Has is suddenly become OK with Him for me to let my mind dwell on the sexual escapades of fictional characters being acted out in front of me on the screen? Yeah... no.
Well, I wanted to watch it again. I like that show. So I started from episode 1. I justified it to myself by telling myself that I wasn't watching anything new. It was all stuff I had already seen.
Did that make it OK? Of course not.
And then I got into the outright rebellion. I started to tell God that I didn't care if it was wrong for me. (Can't you just see my fist shaking at heaven?) I want to do what I want to do. Besides, I'm not hurting anyone.
Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know. When you see it typed out like that, it looks so stupid. That's about where I was on the day that I had "Psalm 20" in my head. Remember this?
May He answer you in the day of your trouble and may He set you safely on high.
May He send help from His sanctuary and may He grant you your heart's desire.
Those are the first two lines of the song. How in the world can Holy God overlook intentional rebellion to bless His child? I have been slowly learning in the last few years that being "in sin," wallowing in rebellion and repeating wrong acts on purpose doesn't so much set me up for the lightning bolt from heaven as much as it sets me out of place for the blessing of God. He removes the blessings rather than smacks down the discipline.
What was getting to me that day was knowing that my actions really do impact other people. What blessings am I keeping from my children because I want to watch a stupid TV show and keep myself out of the line of blessing? Seriously, what is worth THAT?
This may not make sense to everyone who reads my blog. And I still have many things in my life that are not up to God's standard. I have not "arrived" just because I have (eventually) done right in this one thing. I'm ashamed to admit that I was into the second season before I finally came to the point of obeying the voice of God speaking into my heart. I didn't watch any more after that day.
I really do have a personal relationship with God. And I'm not good unless God prompts me out of His goodness and love to be good too, as a response to His goodness. When I can clearly see what I do as hurting Him, being the reason Jesus laid down His life on the cross, the only logical response is to want to stop doing those things. It's called repentance. Some sins are obvious, like the ones listed in the 10 Commandments, but others are more subtle. It doesn't say "Thou shalt not watch TV-14 rated TV shows," in the 10 Commandments. I know, only through the personal relationship I have with God, where He has laid the boundaries for me.
I am not telling you what is right for you. Please don't take this that way. What I am saying is that if God lets you know that something is wrong for you, then it is wrong to ignore that little voice in your heart telling you what is wrong.
Looking at those two lines from the song is bringing me to tears yet again. This time it's for a different reason. The answers to my frustrations are not earthly answers. The only help I can rely on is from His sanctuary. Only He can set me safely on high. Only He can give me my heart's desire.
Thank you, Lord, for answering the cries of my heart through your Word once again. Please bless this school year in ways I can't even imagine.
Last summer I had been convicted by God to stop watching a particular TV show. It's a prime time drama, and many of the plot lines involve sexual escapades by the main characters. The particular TV show is not what's important here. The important thing is that I knew without a doubt that God had pricked my heart and let me know in no uncertain terms that my watching that show was not OK with Him. I cancelled the recording on my DVR so that new episodes would no longer be waiting for me every week, and I went on with life, and pretty much forgot about that show. Until recently it has been added to Netflix streaming...
Has God changed His message to me about what's OK for me to watch? Has is suddenly become OK with Him for me to let my mind dwell on the sexual escapades of fictional characters being acted out in front of me on the screen? Yeah... no.
Well, I wanted to watch it again. I like that show. So I started from episode 1. I justified it to myself by telling myself that I wasn't watching anything new. It was all stuff I had already seen.
Did that make it OK? Of course not.
And then I got into the outright rebellion. I started to tell God that I didn't care if it was wrong for me. (Can't you just see my fist shaking at heaven?) I want to do what I want to do. Besides, I'm not hurting anyone.
Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know. When you see it typed out like that, it looks so stupid. That's about where I was on the day that I had "Psalm 20" in my head. Remember this?
May He answer you in the day of your trouble and may He set you safely on high.
May He send help from His sanctuary and may He grant you your heart's desire.
Those are the first two lines of the song. How in the world can Holy God overlook intentional rebellion to bless His child? I have been slowly learning in the last few years that being "in sin," wallowing in rebellion and repeating wrong acts on purpose doesn't so much set me up for the lightning bolt from heaven as much as it sets me out of place for the blessing of God. He removes the blessings rather than smacks down the discipline.
What was getting to me that day was knowing that my actions really do impact other people. What blessings am I keeping from my children because I want to watch a stupid TV show and keep myself out of the line of blessing? Seriously, what is worth THAT?
This may not make sense to everyone who reads my blog. And I still have many things in my life that are not up to God's standard. I have not "arrived" just because I have (eventually) done right in this one thing. I'm ashamed to admit that I was into the second season before I finally came to the point of obeying the voice of God speaking into my heart. I didn't watch any more after that day.
I really do have a personal relationship with God. And I'm not good unless God prompts me out of His goodness and love to be good too, as a response to His goodness. When I can clearly see what I do as hurting Him, being the reason Jesus laid down His life on the cross, the only logical response is to want to stop doing those things. It's called repentance. Some sins are obvious, like the ones listed in the 10 Commandments, but others are more subtle. It doesn't say "Thou shalt not watch TV-14 rated TV shows," in the 10 Commandments. I know, only through the personal relationship I have with God, where He has laid the boundaries for me.
I am not telling you what is right for you. Please don't take this that way. What I am saying is that if God lets you know that something is wrong for you, then it is wrong to ignore that little voice in your heart telling you what is wrong.
Looking at those two lines from the song is bringing me to tears yet again. This time it's for a different reason. The answers to my frustrations are not earthly answers. The only help I can rely on is from His sanctuary. Only He can set me safely on high. Only He can give me my heart's desire.
Thank you, Lord, for answering the cries of my heart through your Word once again. Please bless this school year in ways I can't even imagine.
Why I had quit blogging
I'm remembering today another reason why I had quit blogging. When I'm frustrated about work, I can't blog about it. That would be stupid.
And yet those thoughts that eat at me are usually what I let spill out onto the blog.
I must stop. An unpublishable draft has already been written and rejected for this evening.
"Underdog," by Spoon is tonight's song.
And yet those thoughts that eat at me are usually what I let spill out onto the blog.
I must stop. An unpublishable draft has already been written and rejected for this evening.
"Underdog," by Spoon is tonight's song.
Friday, August 12, 2011
It Has Begun
My school year has officially started. I have now been back to work for two days. So far, so good.
Yesterday was fun. Our librarian and technology person (her title is "ITS," whatever that stands for) set us up on our very own Amazing Race, like the TV show. It was a technology race. We were assigned teams and sent all over the school to do various tasks with various educational web-based resources like Google Earth, and Animoto, and other multimedia programs like Audacity. We have all these tools available, but we don't always know how to use them in the classroom. The two awesome ladies in charge of this race had very specific instructions at each station. At the end of each task was a matrix code that had to be scanned with a smart phone to reveal the next task. My team was awesome. It was me and our two lovely theater teachers. We won!! It was great!
The afternoon was spent in a fine arts team meeting. Not quite as exciting as the Amazing Race, but it was all stuff we had to get through.
Today we started in a fine arts meeting again. There was more we had to discuss and we had some time to get our websites in order and things like that. Then we got to do some team building in the afternoon. Our team activity was to rent a party barge and go play in the lake. That was really nice. We all decided it would be a "no photo zone" so that we could all feel comfortable in swim suits. There was a slide on the boat from the upper deck into the water.
I have been swimming three times this week, all for very long periods of 3 hours or more. I am more tan than I have ever been in my adult life. As a kid I was very dark every summer, back before mothers really worried about UV protection. My girls are also getting pretty tan, even though they've been wearing SPF 50. They have been swimming every day this week. I think they're growing gills.
I still haven't recovered from the fatigue of Waterpark Wednesday. I just haven't gone to bed early enough. And I don't get to sleep in tomorrow. I have a meeting I must attend... All I want to do is sleep in. It will have to wait until next Saturday. *Sigh*
This evening, since dinner, I've been a busy little bee, working on my lesson plan template in Excel, going through the school calendar and marking all the early release days, and school holidays so that hopefully I won't fall behind in turning in my plans. I guess I should consider that a goal for the year: to be more diligent with lesson plan writing, filling in more details than just the songs to be rehearsed. It will make the other goals I have already set a little easier by making me write down the choral examples I will play every week, and the sight-reading games I will have the students play with my rhythm cards.
Today we had music playing on the party barge all day. What would you expect from the fine arts team? Before all that, though, I had Michael Buble's song, "I Just Haven't Met You Yet," stuck in my head. I mentioned that to the fine arts folks I was waiting with as we gathered to take off for our outing, and one of them pulled out an iPhone and played it for me. It was a very satisfying moment! That song makes me feel happy. :o)
Yesterday was fun. Our librarian and technology person (her title is "ITS," whatever that stands for) set us up on our very own Amazing Race, like the TV show. It was a technology race. We were assigned teams and sent all over the school to do various tasks with various educational web-based resources like Google Earth, and Animoto, and other multimedia programs like Audacity. We have all these tools available, but we don't always know how to use them in the classroom. The two awesome ladies in charge of this race had very specific instructions at each station. At the end of each task was a matrix code that had to be scanned with a smart phone to reveal the next task. My team was awesome. It was me and our two lovely theater teachers. We won!! It was great!
The afternoon was spent in a fine arts team meeting. Not quite as exciting as the Amazing Race, but it was all stuff we had to get through.
Today we started in a fine arts meeting again. There was more we had to discuss and we had some time to get our websites in order and things like that. Then we got to do some team building in the afternoon. Our team activity was to rent a party barge and go play in the lake. That was really nice. We all decided it would be a "no photo zone" so that we could all feel comfortable in swim suits. There was a slide on the boat from the upper deck into the water.
I have been swimming three times this week, all for very long periods of 3 hours or more. I am more tan than I have ever been in my adult life. As a kid I was very dark every summer, back before mothers really worried about UV protection. My girls are also getting pretty tan, even though they've been wearing SPF 50. They have been swimming every day this week. I think they're growing gills.
I still haven't recovered from the fatigue of Waterpark Wednesday. I just haven't gone to bed early enough. And I don't get to sleep in tomorrow. I have a meeting I must attend... All I want to do is sleep in. It will have to wait until next Saturday. *Sigh*
This evening, since dinner, I've been a busy little bee, working on my lesson plan template in Excel, going through the school calendar and marking all the early release days, and school holidays so that hopefully I won't fall behind in turning in my plans. I guess I should consider that a goal for the year: to be more diligent with lesson plan writing, filling in more details than just the songs to be rehearsed. It will make the other goals I have already set a little easier by making me write down the choral examples I will play every week, and the sight-reading games I will have the students play with my rhythm cards.
Today we had music playing on the party barge all day. What would you expect from the fine arts team? Before all that, though, I had Michael Buble's song, "I Just Haven't Met You Yet," stuck in my head. I mentioned that to the fine arts folks I was waiting with as we gathered to take off for our outing, and one of them pulled out an iPhone and played it for me. It was a very satisfying moment! That song makes me feel happy. :o)
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Waterpark FUN
I took the girls today. I was alone with the girls. I locked my car key in the car. Didn't realize that had happened until I was thinking about it after our first ride. And then we were already in line for the second ride when I realized I really didn't remember where the key was at all... Uh oh.
After that ride, we had to go back to our stuff on the table and look through it. I realized pretty quickly that it wasn't there, and I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to tell where it was when I got to the car that I was pretty freaked out. Sure enough, there it was, in the ignition.
In case you didn't know, frazzled mommies make mistakes.
I did such a good job this morning of packing food for the three of us, getting our clean clothes ready so we'd have something dry to wear home, once we found a parking spot (and a good one at that!) getting the girls out of the car with all that stuff I had packed. I missed one very important detail. Oops.
Since I discovered my mistake so early in the day, I went to the guest relations booth and they gave me a card for a local "pop-a-lock" company. I gave them a call, fed the girls lunch, and the whole thing was over and done relatively early in the day. My car did not sit there as a thief's dream target for very long, and when we were ready to leave, we didn't have to wait on the pop-a-lock guy to come. Another bonus, my parking spot was so fabulous that it wasn't a gigantic pain in the derriere to keep going back and forth from the park to the car. It was literally in the fifth space from the entrance of the park. And when I found it, it was the last available spot in the lot. Thank you, God!
Hehe... I glanced up at the title of this post, and from what I've said so far, that FUN looks sarcastic. I didn't mean it that way when I first typed it. I promise!
The rest of the day after lunch was really wonderful. There were a couple of moments when the kids started complaining. It's really hard to listen to complaining kids anywhere, anytime, but when you're going WAY out of your way to give them a good time, it's so much harder. At one point I told the girls that I didn't want to hear any more, and if they had complaining thoughts not to let them come out of their heads and into their mouths. It was a pretty good parenting moment. Another mom behind us in the line said she was going to use that sentence. And the kids stopped complaining. It actually worked!
Later, in another line, I made a comment to Big Girl about being so tired maybe she should drive us home. I'm afraid she didn't get that I was joking. She was concerned by that comment because she doesn't know how to drive. I wouldn't have let her anyway. She's only eight years old.
This park is big enough that there are two different parts of the park that you ride a tram to get from one to the other. One time on the tram, we were some of the last poeple on and it was pretty crowded. We couldn't find three seats together. The girls sat in the back together and I sat about five rows ahead of them by myself with a stranger next to me. I turned back and said, "Hey girls, I'm going to get there before you do." Big Girl didn't miss a beat. She replied, "Mom, it's not a race." That got a chuckle from the other adults around who were listening to us.
There's one ride that goes off the top of a building. You ride these little mats down the slide, laying on your belly. Little Girl rode that ride last year when she was just five years old. This year she wanted to do it again, and so did I. When it's just the three of us together, and two out of three want to do something, all three of us have to do it. That's the rule. Otherwise we'd get separated, and that's just not acceptable. So anyway, Big Girl got up to the top of this ride, mat in hand, and at the last minute, she chickened out. I leaned over (totally violating the rule about staying behind the line until it's your turn), grabbed her hands and put them on the mat, and gave her a nudge down the slide. When I got down there (I was next in line behind her), she was raving about how fun it was. That kid is an adrenaline junkie if ever there was one. But she's afraid of heights, and I think that's what got to her there at the top looking down the slide. We have these little moments when she has a hard time trusting me, and in the end, she learns that I was right, and I can be trusted. I know what she'll like. She can trust me if I tell her she's going to like it.
I'm trying to remember if there were any other memorable moments I won't want to forget... There's probably something, but nothing is coming to mind. I'm TIRED. I'm the kind of tired where you can feel it in every body part you know of, and then some. I think even my toenails are tired.
All day long, once again, I had "Psalm Twenty" in my head. I even sang it a few times as we'd float through the tunnels on the rides. Good stuff.
After that ride, we had to go back to our stuff on the table and look through it. I realized pretty quickly that it wasn't there, and I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to tell where it was when I got to the car that I was pretty freaked out. Sure enough, there it was, in the ignition.
In case you didn't know, frazzled mommies make mistakes.
I did such a good job this morning of packing food for the three of us, getting our clean clothes ready so we'd have something dry to wear home, once we found a parking spot (and a good one at that!) getting the girls out of the car with all that stuff I had packed. I missed one very important detail. Oops.
Since I discovered my mistake so early in the day, I went to the guest relations booth and they gave me a card for a local "pop-a-lock" company. I gave them a call, fed the girls lunch, and the whole thing was over and done relatively early in the day. My car did not sit there as a thief's dream target for very long, and when we were ready to leave, we didn't have to wait on the pop-a-lock guy to come. Another bonus, my parking spot was so fabulous that it wasn't a gigantic pain in the derriere to keep going back and forth from the park to the car. It was literally in the fifth space from the entrance of the park. And when I found it, it was the last available spot in the lot. Thank you, God!
Hehe... I glanced up at the title of this post, and from what I've said so far, that FUN looks sarcastic. I didn't mean it that way when I first typed it. I promise!
The rest of the day after lunch was really wonderful. There were a couple of moments when the kids started complaining. It's really hard to listen to complaining kids anywhere, anytime, but when you're going WAY out of your way to give them a good time, it's so much harder. At one point I told the girls that I didn't want to hear any more, and if they had complaining thoughts not to let them come out of their heads and into their mouths. It was a pretty good parenting moment. Another mom behind us in the line said she was going to use that sentence. And the kids stopped complaining. It actually worked!
Later, in another line, I made a comment to Big Girl about being so tired maybe she should drive us home. I'm afraid she didn't get that I was joking. She was concerned by that comment because she doesn't know how to drive. I wouldn't have let her anyway. She's only eight years old.
This park is big enough that there are two different parts of the park that you ride a tram to get from one to the other. One time on the tram, we were some of the last poeple on and it was pretty crowded. We couldn't find three seats together. The girls sat in the back together and I sat about five rows ahead of them by myself with a stranger next to me. I turned back and said, "Hey girls, I'm going to get there before you do." Big Girl didn't miss a beat. She replied, "Mom, it's not a race." That got a chuckle from the other adults around who were listening to us.
There's one ride that goes off the top of a building. You ride these little mats down the slide, laying on your belly. Little Girl rode that ride last year when she was just five years old. This year she wanted to do it again, and so did I. When it's just the three of us together, and two out of three want to do something, all three of us have to do it. That's the rule. Otherwise we'd get separated, and that's just not acceptable. So anyway, Big Girl got up to the top of this ride, mat in hand, and at the last minute, she chickened out. I leaned over (totally violating the rule about staying behind the line until it's your turn), grabbed her hands and put them on the mat, and gave her a nudge down the slide. When I got down there (I was next in line behind her), she was raving about how fun it was. That kid is an adrenaline junkie if ever there was one. But she's afraid of heights, and I think that's what got to her there at the top looking down the slide. We have these little moments when she has a hard time trusting me, and in the end, she learns that I was right, and I can be trusted. I know what she'll like. She can trust me if I tell her she's going to like it.
I'm trying to remember if there were any other memorable moments I won't want to forget... There's probably something, but nothing is coming to mind. I'm TIRED. I'm the kind of tired where you can feel it in every body part you know of, and then some. I think even my toenails are tired.
All day long, once again, I had "Psalm Twenty" in my head. I even sang it a few times as we'd float through the tunnels on the rides. Good stuff.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
The Last Days of Summer
This week is jam-packed full of busy. Most of it is fun.
My girls and I went to visit my sister-in-law and her family Sunday night and spent the day together yesterday. The four little girls (ages 4.5, 6, 6.5 and 8.5) played together better than ever. Monday morning we took them swimming for nearly 3 hours, and that was a blast. It was a joy for my sister-in-law and I to listen to them play in the bedroom from our conversation in the living room. She and I have been friends since we were 6th graders, and it's always amazing to get together and look at how we are related now, with blood relatives in common, and still friends who love one another.
Today I have a doctor appointment to see my knee doctor. My knee has clicked for over two years now, and I'm finally having it looked at this summer by a specialist. This is the third time I'm seeing him this summer. I saw my general doc about it two years ago, and he ordered x-rays and then I never heard from him about what was up. On my first visit to the knee doctor, he had my x-rays from two years ago and showed them to me and told me what was going on. He ordered physical therapy, which I did for a month. Then I went to him again after that month, and he stopped the PT order, and we're going to see today how I've been doing on my own.
My kids get to hang out with their Nanna while I go to the doctor. My mom is so great to help me out with things like this. It's not that my kids can't handle going to the doctor with me. They went the last time. It's that she loves them and doesn't want them to have to go, and she loves me and wants to offer me the luxury of not having to take them and then being free to get other things done afterward. I can't say enough about how wonderful my mother is to me. She doesn't tell me how to run my life, but she steps in to help me when I ask for help. She'll probably teach Big Girl a piano lesson and take them both swimming afterward. Day two in a row of swimming for them. Fun!
Then the plan for tomorrow is for Daisy to go to the vet to be spayed. That's been on the books since June. While she's not in the house, us girls will go back to our favorite water park for the entire day. This is the same one where my choirs go after they sing a contest (which my tiny choir has won "Best in Class" for two years running!!). They give me coupons to come back with my family for very cheap. Tomorrow the three of us will get into the park for $20 plus tax. Tickets are usually in the neighborhood of $40 per person. So that's day three in a row of swimming for the girls.
Thursday... I start work. Already.
I think I'm ready. Last week I started digging through my music library to pick out pieces I thought would work for my choirs. It's a crap shoot at this point, since I don't know who is in my classes, but I can at least pull out pieces that interest me so that when I go to make real selections, I have much less to look through. I have four envelopes set aside, one for each of my choirs that I will direct, and then a miscellaneous stack of pieces that I like and want to use, but I don't know which choir would be best suited by the pieces... It's so complicated. I'm choosing the songs that will be stuck in my head, and the heads of my students. Whatever we start the year singing will likely be the songs at the end of the year will be requested for nostalgia's sake. It happens that way every year.
I don't think I'm ready to deal with the schedule of going back to work. The work itself is not my hangup. Getting up before 7:30 EVERY DAY will be a shock to my system for a while. Now that I think about it, getting up at 6:00 is a shock to my system all school-year long. My body wakes up naturally around 7:30 or 8:00. It's been nice to get up when I feel like it for these months. It makes me sad that it has to end. Again, here I am being a big fat baby.
So here's to making the most of what little time is left!
The song in my head is one that hardly anyone will know, so I figured out how to post it to this blog so you can hear it yourself. It's "Psalm 20," by Eternity. You won't find gems like this on youtube!
Edit to reflect the rest of Tuesday, August 9, 2011:
I need to say a bit more about this song. I have had it in my head since I woke up this morning. As I was driving around today (which was quite a bit more than usual), I would start to sing it, and be brought to tears. There's been something weighing heavy on my heart (I'm not quite ready to blog about it), and the pricks of conviction would come every time I'd sing it. It's powerful stuff. Additionally, it's a song in 6/8 meter, which is my all-time favorite meter, with some duples thrown in for variety on the chorus. Love it. I can't sit still and listen to it. Even if it does have a cheesy synthesizer at the beginning. When I was singing in the car, I had left my iPod charging at home, so I was just hearing it in my head, and only sometimes was I singing melody. :o)
My girls and I went to visit my sister-in-law and her family Sunday night and spent the day together yesterday. The four little girls (ages 4.5, 6, 6.5 and 8.5) played together better than ever. Monday morning we took them swimming for nearly 3 hours, and that was a blast. It was a joy for my sister-in-law and I to listen to them play in the bedroom from our conversation in the living room. She and I have been friends since we were 6th graders, and it's always amazing to get together and look at how we are related now, with blood relatives in common, and still friends who love one another.
Today I have a doctor appointment to see my knee doctor. My knee has clicked for over two years now, and I'm finally having it looked at this summer by a specialist. This is the third time I'm seeing him this summer. I saw my general doc about it two years ago, and he ordered x-rays and then I never heard from him about what was up. On my first visit to the knee doctor, he had my x-rays from two years ago and showed them to me and told me what was going on. He ordered physical therapy, which I did for a month. Then I went to him again after that month, and he stopped the PT order, and we're going to see today how I've been doing on my own.
My kids get to hang out with their Nanna while I go to the doctor. My mom is so great to help me out with things like this. It's not that my kids can't handle going to the doctor with me. They went the last time. It's that she loves them and doesn't want them to have to go, and she loves me and wants to offer me the luxury of not having to take them and then being free to get other things done afterward. I can't say enough about how wonderful my mother is to me. She doesn't tell me how to run my life, but she steps in to help me when I ask for help. She'll probably teach Big Girl a piano lesson and take them both swimming afterward. Day two in a row of swimming for them. Fun!
Then the plan for tomorrow is for Daisy to go to the vet to be spayed. That's been on the books since June. While she's not in the house, us girls will go back to our favorite water park for the entire day. This is the same one where my choirs go after they sing a contest (which my tiny choir has won "Best in Class" for two years running!!). They give me coupons to come back with my family for very cheap. Tomorrow the three of us will get into the park for $20 plus tax. Tickets are usually in the neighborhood of $40 per person. So that's day three in a row of swimming for the girls.
Thursday... I start work. Already.
I think I'm ready. Last week I started digging through my music library to pick out pieces I thought would work for my choirs. It's a crap shoot at this point, since I don't know who is in my classes, but I can at least pull out pieces that interest me so that when I go to make real selections, I have much less to look through. I have four envelopes set aside, one for each of my choirs that I will direct, and then a miscellaneous stack of pieces that I like and want to use, but I don't know which choir would be best suited by the pieces... It's so complicated. I'm choosing the songs that will be stuck in my head, and the heads of my students. Whatever we start the year singing will likely be the songs at the end of the year will be requested for nostalgia's sake. It happens that way every year.
I don't think I'm ready to deal with the schedule of going back to work. The work itself is not my hangup. Getting up before 7:30 EVERY DAY will be a shock to my system for a while. Now that I think about it, getting up at 6:00 is a shock to my system all school-year long. My body wakes up naturally around 7:30 or 8:00. It's been nice to get up when I feel like it for these months. It makes me sad that it has to end. Again, here I am being a big fat baby.
So here's to making the most of what little time is left!
The song in my head is one that hardly anyone will know, so I figured out how to post it to this blog so you can hear it yourself. It's "Psalm 20," by Eternity. You won't find gems like this on youtube!
Edit to reflect the rest of Tuesday, August 9, 2011:
I need to say a bit more about this song. I have had it in my head since I woke up this morning. As I was driving around today (which was quite a bit more than usual), I would start to sing it, and be brought to tears. There's been something weighing heavy on my heart (I'm not quite ready to blog about it), and the pricks of conviction would come every time I'd sing it. It's powerful stuff. Additionally, it's a song in 6/8 meter, which is my all-time favorite meter, with some duples thrown in for variety on the chorus. Love it. I can't sit still and listen to it. Even if it does have a cheesy synthesizer at the beginning. When I was singing in the car, I had left my iPod charging at home, so I was just hearing it in my head, and only sometimes was I singing melody. :o)
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
The Days are Few
I'm looking ahead to starting school next week. Teachers go back Thursday in our district. That means I have a single week, a mere seven days, of sleeping in, of freedom, left. In the week to come, I have made plans for Monday, I have a doctor appointment on Tuesday, and more plans on Wednesday. Then Thursday, back to real life. For the rest of this week, my main goal is to get as much fun out of it as possible with my kids. Most of what's in the plan for next week is fun stuff that they will enjoy (aside from the doctor appointment).
I have done some preliminary work that I hope will make the school year run more smoothly. I have started digging through my single-copy music file, and pulling pieces I'd like to use with my choirs. I have three envelopes set aside for each of the choirs I direct. I got from A to I in my file before I ran out of gas on that project on Monday. I have the rest of the day today and tomorrow to get that done. It seems like a monumental task. I doubt I'll finish. (Realism is overtaking the optimism.)
Right now I'm waiting for my firstborn daughter to finish taking a shower. Then we have some grocery shopping to do. I think my days of going grocery shopping without my kids is pretty much over. I had worked things out last school year that my kids stayed at the YMCA after school program at their school, so I'd go shopping before picking them up. This year we're not doing the Y, and I'll be picking them up after school each day, and dragging them to the store with me. The good news though is that they aren't babies, and soon I'll be able to send them on errands for me within the store. "You go get this and you get that, and meet me back here in 3 minutes." We're not there yet, but we will be soon.
Hubby and I have been watching "Arrested Development" on Netflix streaming. This started a discussion about various cast members, including Portia de Rossi who married in the mid-1990's to obtain legal working status in the US. That thought led me to thinking about Green Card, a movie starring Gérard Depardieu, whose name is mentioned in the Weird Al song, "Genius in France," (at about the 6:00 mark). That's how my brain rattled around from "Arrested Development" to "Genius in France," which was the song in my head last night.
I have done some preliminary work that I hope will make the school year run more smoothly. I have started digging through my single-copy music file, and pulling pieces I'd like to use with my choirs. I have three envelopes set aside for each of the choirs I direct. I got from A to I in my file before I ran out of gas on that project on Monday. I have the rest of the day today and tomorrow to get that done. It seems like a monumental task. I doubt I'll finish. (Realism is overtaking the optimism.)
Right now I'm waiting for my firstborn daughter to finish taking a shower. Then we have some grocery shopping to do. I think my days of going grocery shopping without my kids is pretty much over. I had worked things out last school year that my kids stayed at the YMCA after school program at their school, so I'd go shopping before picking them up. This year we're not doing the Y, and I'll be picking them up after school each day, and dragging them to the store with me. The good news though is that they aren't babies, and soon I'll be able to send them on errands for me within the store. "You go get this and you get that, and meet me back here in 3 minutes." We're not there yet, but we will be soon.
Hubby and I have been watching "Arrested Development" on Netflix streaming. This started a discussion about various cast members, including Portia de Rossi who married in the mid-1990's to obtain legal working status in the US. That thought led me to thinking about Green Card, a movie starring Gérard Depardieu, whose name is mentioned in the Weird Al song, "Genius in France," (at about the 6:00 mark). That's how my brain rattled around from "Arrested Development" to "Genius in France," which was the song in my head last night.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
The letter I wrote to baby #2 back in Nov. 2004
I've been looking through my facebook notes and deleting ones that were duplicated here. This one wasn't, and I thought it was blog-worthy.
___________________________________________________
November 16, 2004
Dear Baby,
You never got a chance to know me, but I’m your mother. I carried you for your short life of only six weeks. I was the one who saw the tiny flicker of your heartbeat on the ultrasound screen, and I may be the only person who truly misses you.
From the day I knew you were inside me, I loved you. I had dreams for you. Your sister would have been just over two years old when you were to be born. I was already envisioning a life as a stay at home mom with the two of you. I hoped you would be a girl. In my heart I’ve always thought of you as Katie. You were supposed to fit into all of your big sister’s clothes, being born in the same season. You and your cousin would have always been right about the same age. This Christmas was to be your first Christmas, right along with your cousin. It was supposed to be so much fun.
But all that ended April 18th, when I lost you forever. I don’t know why. All I know is that you weren’t growing like you should have been when we did get to peek at you at that ultrasound. They didn’t tell me that. Hindsight being what it is, it’s plain to see that you weren’t going to make it.
So since you’re already there with God, could you ask him why you didn’t have the chance to live? Could you find out for me what all this was about? Why did I have to go through the pain of losing you, someone I had never met? When will I be through mourning your death? How could I love someone so deeply whose face I’d never even laid eyes on? Why must I go through all this alone?
I guess I don’t really expect answers to any of my questions. That’s not how it works. What happens is that God tells us in the Bible that He knows what’s best for us, and that He loves us, and we just have to trust that He’s telling the truth when things like this happen. When we don’t understand the specifics of the pain, or the problems, we go back to the principles that He’s taught us through the years, and those are the closest things to answers that we will have until we get where you are now, and can ask Him face to face.
Since I’m on the subject, let’s see what God has to say about this.
Jeremiah 29:11
“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD , "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Before the beginning of time, God knew about you. He knew before I was born that I would carry you, love you, and lose you. He knew, even planned my current pain. And yet, He says that His plans are not to harm me. He plans that through this I will still have hope and a future. I can see that, sort of, playing out right now. I already mentioned your big sister. Well, you now have a little sister. She wouldn’t be inside me right now if you had lived. Her life started just two months after yours ended. Early ultrasounds indicated that she was healthy. In fact looking at the pictures of you and her side by side, the contrast is remarkable. I have hope for the future in that. But there is hope also in facing that the pain I’ve felt over losing you hasn’t been the end of my life. There were times when the only thing keeping me going was your big sister and her need for a mommy. I’m the only one she’s got, so I had to get out of bed and take care of her. That’s not the case anymore. I’m not sad all the time. I almost feel bad putting this in a letter to you, but there are days when I don’t think about you at all. I used to be acutely aware of your absence every day with a pang in my heart. As time has gone on, more time passes between my thoughts of you. It doesn’t mean that I’ve forgotten you, or that I didn’t love you. There’s one little girl here now who needs my attention, and there’s another on the way who I’m loving and thinking about in the ways I loved you and thought about you. All that’s to say life goes on, and God’s word indicates that it’s a good thing to go on.
Deuteronomy 31:8
“The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."
No matter how alone I may feel, I am not going through this truly alone. I may look around me and not see anyone else in tears of mourning over your tiny life, but I am never alone. Besides the Lord being with me, there are hundreds of women whose hearts ache for their tiny babies that died just the way you did. Their pain is just like mine. So many women I never knew had lost babies have come to me in my grief to try to help me. That seems to have subsided quite a bit since your little sister is on the way. I’m sure that some day I’ll be the one to go to another woman who is hurting and share in her pain. I know how she hurts. I know how her dreams have been crushed. That verse of scripture also speaks about having fear. That’s something that I didn’t quite know how to deal with, especially before I found out about this new baby. I was terrified of getting pregnant again. I didn’t want to go through this again. I was about ready to give up entirely on having any more children because I didn’t have a guarantee from God that this wouldn’t happen again. Then I was expecting. Before I could see the ultrasounds, hear her heartbeat, and know that everything was going well with her, I had fear that I would lose her the way I lost you. I guess I still have some fear. I never had any of these feelings when I was expecting my first baby. I just trusted that everything was going to be fine. In the four months I have until this baby is supposed to be born, I know, intellectually, that many things could go wrong. I am not guaranteed a healthy baby just because I’ve carried one for five months. The key to getting past that, besides noting in scripture where it says not to fear, is the knowledge that even if the worst happens, I won’t be alone, and that there is still a future for me. God’s guarantees are not healthy children, or a pain free life. He promises that no matter what, we can trust Him with everything we have, and everything we are. At the end of the day, that has to be enough. That’s all we’ve got.
I love you, and I miss you. I know you’re now with God, and that’s some comfort to me. While you’re there, get to know your Great Granddaddy Doc. From what I’ve heard, he was a pretty neat guy.
Love,
Mom
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Since losing this baby, I've had more practice at grieving. My grandfather died in January of 2007, and my father-in-law died in January of 2008. In each of those situations, the heartache of losing this baby was dredged back to the surface, and I went through all of the stages of reconciling the truth of what happened with God's goodness. There were times, especially after losing my father-in-law, that I thought I would never again be able to say, "God is good even though this happened."
A friend of mine, another choir director from a middle school in my district, has just lost her baby last week. He was full term and born alive. I don't know how long he lived after he was born, but it wasn't long. Not even a day. I can only imagine the heartache she is feeling. Please join me in praying for her. Her body is still recovering from pregnancy and the birth. I'm sure her arms are aching to hold her baby just one more time.
Living in a fallen world is no fun. I long for heaven when I will be reunited with my baby, my Pawpaw and the sweetest father-in-law anyone could imagine. Pain will be history.
Just as a matter of wrapping up the story of Baby #2, my heart wasn't healed until my Little Girl was 10 months old. My sister-in-law was due with her first baby two days behind Baby #2. It was probably 4 or 5 years before I could look at my niece and not be reminded of Baby #2. There was a definite point where I could say it didn't break my heart to think about this, or even to talk about it, and that's when I think my heart had been healed.
About 3 or 4 years later, one of my best friends experienced a miscarriage. For her it was baby #3. Walking that road with her was a healing experience for me. I think she and I went through our miscarriages for each others' sakes, only I didn't know it at the time that I was going there for her. If I help anyone else for the rest of my life, it's just gravy. That experience has served its purpose.
Well, now I'll delete this note from my facebook page. It's preserved.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Love and Logic
Here it is, two days after I got home from convention, and I'm still ruminating on one of the best workshops I've ever attended. It was a session based on Teaching with Love and Logic, as applied to the choir classroom. It's exactly what I need right now.
I will keep the handout from that workshop in the front of my folder this year. That way I'll have those ideas at my fingertips.
The most revolutionary concept shared with us was what to do when a kid is arguing with the teacher. They told us to go brain dead. Don't reason. Don't think. Just come back with a one-liner that will either diffuse the situation or make the student think about what he/she is saying. It's a practiced response thing, and not a power struggle.
I want to get that book. I want to read it cover to cover before school starts. (That may or may not happen.) I want to go to more training on this. Most definitely.
The song in my head is leftover from the wedding yesterday. "Dodi Li." It's an easy enough song that I think I'll have my 6th graders sing it this year at some point.
I will keep the handout from that workshop in the front of my folder this year. That way I'll have those ideas at my fingertips.
The most revolutionary concept shared with us was what to do when a kid is arguing with the teacher. They told us to go brain dead. Don't reason. Don't think. Just come back with a one-liner that will either diffuse the situation or make the student think about what he/she is saying. It's a practiced response thing, and not a power struggle.
I want to get that book. I want to read it cover to cover before school starts. (That may or may not happen.) I want to go to more training on this. Most definitely.
The song in my head is leftover from the wedding yesterday. "Dodi Li." It's an easy enough song that I think I'll have my 6th graders sing it this year at some point.
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