Stupid?

A friend of mine had this on her facebook, and I had to swipe it. It's just all kinds of awesome. Thanks, Jennifer!

Time to Rest

My body is having a forced shut-down. I pushed it through the weekend, and Sunday evening, I was done. I had a slight fever (since my body temp usually runs low, 99 degrees for me is a real fever), my nose was running, I was coughing and sneezing and all I wanted to do was sleep.

I took Monday off, which seemed like a good idea. It was a very good idea. I slept in, with a brief interruption to fix my girls' hair, and vegged out watching Netflix.

I should have done that again today. But no. I went to work. Not the best idea I ever had. After 2nd period, all I wanted to do was assume fetal position and put my head down.

I knew this was going to happen.

For some reason, I can't escape "Firework" by Katy Perry. I can't stand her or the song. I'm not going to link it. If you are fortunate enough to have never heard this horrible excuse for music, then I'm going to leave you in your blissful ignorance. I wish it wasn't but today it is the song in my head. Maybe that's where the pounding is coming from...

Paying the Price

Here it is, the Wednesday after Girlfriends Weekend, and I'm still tired. I have not caught up on sleep, which is not at all surprising. I can feel illness knocking gently on the door, warning me that if I don't get some serious sleep, like 9 hours or more a night, pretty soon, it's going to wipe me out for a while, and then I won't have a choice. The allergies have set in, and my nose is a little runny already. The tickle in my throat will be next, followed by a full-on head cold. Please join with me in praying that it doesn't happen.

Along with the threat of illness, I'm losing control of my emotions. Little things that I should be weathering with a smile (and possibly a snarky comment inside my head) are erupting into huge crying spells.

The song in my head tonight is an interesting choice. I've been working on the Brahms Requiem (Ein Deutch Requiem) for the choir I sing with at the local university. The 8th grade girls are working on Brahms's "In Stiller Nacht" for region auditions, and I've been teaching it. But the song in my head, is just somewhat Brahms-like. "The Blue Bird" is a piece I have sung for a friend's doctoral choral conducting recital. It was tremendously exciting to sing the close harmonies and intense soft sounds. That's the song in my head tonight. I find it absolutely breathtaking.

(If you really want to hear it, here's a link to a video of the Brahms Requiem. It's over an hour and fifteen minutes, so it's the whole thing. Maybe get a cup of coffee and go potty before you settle in for this one!)

Girlfriends Weekend

This past weekend I got to go to my friend's house along with five other friends (for a total of seven ladies), and we just spent time together talking, and talking. There was always talking. I think there were about 3 minutes or so at dinner on Saturday night when we were all stuffing our faces with fajitas that we weren't talking, but other than that, and the movie, we were talking non-stop. We saw "The Help." It's a very good movie. It was hard for us to watch, as a bunch of mommies. There are some extreme examples of bad parenting in that movie, and it made us all sad to see.

After the movie, we went to dinner and ate fajitas. After the dinner, on the way back to K's house, somehow we erupted in a food fight with Nerds and Reese's Pieces being thrown around the car. I laughed so hard I cried. That's one of those moments all seven of us will remember for the rest of our lives.

I had a great time lounging by the pool at K's house. Her husband and she have worked all summer putting it in, with the help of some contractors. They did much of the work themselves. It's a saltwater pool, rather than a chlorine pool. I really liked it. You could swim in it with your eyes open without it hurting your eyes. Very cool.

It amazes me every time we get together (this was probably the 3rd or 4th time) that the seven of us all get along. We're very different from each other, but we have a mutual love and respect for one another. We are bonded by common experience, having each been pregnant at the same time as at least one of the others in the group, and having shared some profound life changes together. And we share a common faith in God.

It was worth the sleep deprivation to have spent the weekend with my girlfriends. I am blessed to have them in my life.

Children's Choir

Tonight was the first night of children's choir at our church. It's the first time we have had it on Wednesday night. As a church we have eliminated the Sunday night stuff at the church, and moved the kids' programming to Wednesday. We'll see how this works out tomorrow morning for my munchkins. Getting them up for school might be a little harder than usual. It may sound like I'm complaining, but really, I'm up at church on Wednesday nights anyway, so it's no big deal. This schedule really does help me and I'm glad to get to relax on Sunday afternoons.

That's not what I really want to blog about.

I am helping this year in a class with the most amazing children's choir director ever. I can make such a statement from a position of knowledge and experience. This wonderful woman, Mrs. M, was my choir director when I was in children's choir as an elementary school kid. I have seen many children's choir directors in my day, and many church choir directors as well. Never has there been a more perfect combination of the two in one as this lovely woman. I was mainly sitting in the back, observing her as she worked with the students, establishing an atmosphere of respect and reverence. I was watching. And worshiping.

It surprised me.

I don't know why I should be surprised. God is at work.

At one point in the rehearsal, Mrs. M stopped what she was doing. She had forgotten what she had planned to do next. Rather than just fake it for a minute, she stopped the lesson, confessed that she hadn't written it down, and prayed aloud for the Lord to guide her through the lesson. I was moved by her humility before God, the two of us adult workers in the room, and the children. I was moved by her wisdom to seek God's direction for the next step rather than to trust herself and her own ability to teach. I was moved by her unashamed faith. There was no doubt that God would lead her to the next thing that needed to happen in tonight's rehearsal.

In that moment, as she prayed, tears came to my eyes. I was pricked with conviction. How many times do I get stuck in a lesson and I plow on ahead in my own strength? Too many.

I don't know if any of the kids really got anything from that moment, but I sure did. Praise God. It was such a personal moment in which the Lord revealed His might through Mrs. M's weakness. It may have been just for me. And that makes it all the more special. The God of the universe wants a personal relationship with me. He keeps revealing Himself to me, tugging at my heart, revealing what I have not yet yielded to Him. And He's not going to stop. I praise the Lord for that too!

Right now in my life I feel almost like a teenager in love. I feel like God is wooing me. And I know that He is because over and over again in the Word of God Jesus is said to be the bridegroom coming for His bride, the church. It's overwhelming me, and I never want it to stop.

Of course I realize, as a married woman now for over 12 years, that the feelings come and go, but the commitment is there regardless of emotions. I know this "feeling" isn't going to go on indefinitely. There will be times when I won't be able to see or feel God in my life, and it's in those times that I'll have to remember this, and trust that He is still there. But maybe next time when that happens it won't be so long as the last time.

Tonight I have a song in my head, placed there by my beloved God: "As the Bridegroom to His Chosen," by John Rutter. The CD I have with this song is of Rutter directing his choir, The Cambridge Singers, but this youtube clip of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir is pretty good too. I pray you feel the Lord's gentle wooing of your spirit as you listen.

So Much for Balance!

I knew as soon as I put it out there, something would come along, and then I'd fail.

Well, I haven't completely failed yet. Yesterday Hubby and I got smart phones. So the two of us spent most of the afternoon and all of the evening configuring apps, editing our contacts, transferring things from our old dinky phones to the new awesome phones that don't have phone numbers yet because we're waiting on the phone companies to port our numbers from the old to the new phones. In this process we're eliminating our home phone. We're joining the young people in their technology revolution.

I only played Angry Birds for about 45 minutes. Okay, so it was more like an hour.

So here's the song in my head. Enjoy!

Finding Balance?

A couple months back I blogged about my facebook quandary. I think I'm starting to find balance with it. I haven't quit facebook. In fact I don't know how much I've really cut back. Starting back to school has put a big cut on my "free" time, of course. But of the time I still have, I am spending some of it on facebook.

I am blogging more. That's obvious. I'm happier blogging than I am with facebook. I think there's something to that...

I'm reading more. Actual books. I like reading books. I'd probably like an e-reader too, but I'm not there yet in adopting new technology. I've been to the library more in the last two months than in the previous two years put together. That's a good thing.

I feel like I have a better attitude about life in general. I am more willing to do things that need to be done. (I'm typing this as the dryer is buzzing... I guess I need to get up and take care of it!)

I guess I'm finding balance. I'm still a little afraid to declare victory. I feel like I may just fail and make a liar of myself...

Vision Into Reality

My high school's motto was "Vision Into Reality." We were a brand new high school back in the day. Now it's... a number of years old, and I don't know if they've changed it or what, but that's not important right now.

I'm thinking of that phrase now, today, because I did one of those things I envisioned doing before the school year began. Today I taught using my rhythm cards. I had the students read the rhythms using the "baby" way they do it in elementary school, and then I transitioned them into the "grown-up" way we do it in middle school and beyond. (The "baby" way is TA--TA--TI-TI-TA -- the way they teach it in the Kodaly method. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's just not how we talk about rhythm in the "real" world beyond elementary school. We say 1--2--3-&-4--.)

It's pretty exciting, as a music teacher, to move through 1st through 5th grade skills in 20 minutes. I have color-coded rhythm cards, and each color adds a new symbol to the mix, adding to the difficulty. I have to assume, since I'm teaching kids from a variety of elementary schools, that they don't all know exactly the same skills. I hope and pray that my students come to me with the basic knowledge from which I can continue to spiral up and out to more complex concepts, but I can't take that for granted. I quickly went through the basics to make sure everyone was on the same page with me moving forward.

By the end of the lesson, I had four simple rhythm cards on the board (they're magnetized), and I had students "composing" by assigning a solfege syllable to each note. It was obvious that adding pitch made everything harder, but the students were able to read and sing what they read. They weren't reading it off the staff yet, but many of the important "pre-reading" skills are obviously in place. We've been working on solfege drills since the second day of school, and here it is the third week, and they're already reading pitch and rhythm together. This is a VERY GOOD start!!

I know it will add another layer of complexity and difficulty to have them read from the staff, but it will come. All in due time...

This lesson was so successful that the other teacher wants to trade classes with me tomorrow and have me teach it to his students! YAY!

It's been a satisfying thing to see that vision I had before school ever started become a successful reality in my classroom. I know without a doubt I am a better teacher this year than ever before. Thank you, God! Praise the Lord!

No Fakers, Please

I have always had a disdain for fakers. When people want to run around saying things like, "Praise the Lord," I have always had a good deal of skepticism, and even some downright cynicism toward those people. How could they really mean it all the time? They must be faking, at least some of the time.

Lately I have been blogging about God's blessings in my life. I have been actually living a life in which I really feel that "Praise the Lord" attitude for real. It seems like I'm becoming one of those people, at least for this season in my life.

As the person saying it, I have some different feelings about it than what I had before, as just a witness. I do see how it can be annoying to someone not experiencing it, or someone who has never experienced it. I know a lot of people who would look at the things happening in my life and attribute them to me, that somehow I am "doing better".

But I know that can't be true.

I know I've tried over and over to "do better" at many things. I've tried to be a better mom, a better teacher, a better wife. I always try so hard, and fail. The only thing I know I can do is fail. Repeatedly.

But all of a sudden, I'm not failing at absolutely everything. What's different?

It has to go back to my attitude toward my own sin. This summer, about a month ago or so, I finally decided to agree with God that I shouldn't watch a certain TV show. I struggled with it. I knew I felt convicted about it. I had that sick-in-the-gut feeling you get when you know you're doing something wrong. I believe where God draws those lines of what's right and what's not can be different for everyone, based on one's personal relationship with Christ. (There are non-negociables too, don't get me wrong. Watching a TV show isn't explicitly listed in the bible, neither is smoking, or lots of other things.) In Paul's writings, he talks about not being a stumbling block for a weaker believer. Depending on the other people in our lives, some things may be stumbling blocks for people that we may not even realize. Anyway, the point is to be sensitive to that little voice that says something is wrong, and then do what it says.

This is not the first time God has told me something was wrong and I obeyed. There is something different this time. And it's not something I did. It's something God started. I am agreeing to cooperate, but that's as far as it goes for my part.

I have had all these Psalms flooding my head. It's like God has been chasing me with his word. He's planting his word in my head, in the form of songs because he knows that will work for me, and I can't get away from it. At this point, I don't want to get away from it. I am in awe of it. I am in awe of the power it has over my attitude.

The changes I have seen in my responses to things have been truly miraculous. Instead of my fleshy filth coming out at every turn, I can see the sweet response of the Holy Spirit at work, calming me in frustrating times, and lifting me up in the midst of discouragement. I can see my caustic sarcasm subside, and my sincere joy or sorrow flow forth as appropriate to the given situation. I am listening better to other people. I am caring more about the people around me, and desiring to share the love of God.

But none of this is from me, really. I can see it all as the overflow of what God has planted in my head through his word. No, really he's planting it in my heart.

I don't know that I have had this kind of excitement for spiritual things since my youth group days in high school. Back then I had a fire for the Lord that would not quit until all my friends knew Jesus. Back then I had the freedom to share with my lost friends at school.

As a teacher, I know there are boundaries. I don't have that same freedom I had as a student. Whatever influence I have has to be "without a word," like it says in 1 Peter 3:1.

My attitude toward fakers is still the same. I just have a little more faith that not everyone who I used to be so skeptical of is faking. God really does such good things that some people can't help but praise Him for everything!

God's Blessing

I am seeing the hand of God at work in my work. This week I have continued to feel successful at my job, handling the little foxes* without losing my cool, and keeping a positive spin on it for my students. I have said, more times than I can count, "I want you to be awesome, and it makes me sad when we have to waste time on talking instead of learning which is what makes you awesome." I've probably used the word awesome too many times already this year. I caught myself saying it so many time today that I asked my class if it was too many.

There are just so many things going well this year.

My tiny choir is continuing to grow. Two years ago I had 9. Last year I had 19. This year I'm up to 24. And I know I'll grow as the year goes on because when kids move in to the school, the counselors send them my way. And so many of my kids are returning 7th and 8th graders. They already know so much of what I expect. It's like starting the year on the second chapter, rather than having to go back to the beginning. More than half of my students are signing up to try out for the all-region choir. I don't think many other programs can say that. OVER HALF!! And not all of them are eligible since only 7th and 8th graders can try out. I'm devoting more class time to helping these kids prepare for region than I did last year. But last year at this point, I only had 3 kids interested in trying out. One was sick the day of the audition, so I only had 2 kids there. Anyway, this year I'm set to have 13 or 14 kids audition, and it's FANTASTIC!

My 6th grade choirs at the big choir school are also doing well. Those classes are all girls' classes and there's a separate class of 6th grade boys taught by the other choir teacher. It's working wonderfully to have them separated. I'm able to be funny with the girls in a different way... I don't know how to describe it. I can say things like, "since it's just us girls..." not that what comes after is somehow different than if there were boys there. I guess it has just helped me to develop the relationships with students quicker. The girls are not inhibited by the presence of boys, and I'm sure the same is true in the boys class. The get to just be guys. First period is one of my girls' classes and the boys' class, and both of those classes come in early to hang out in the room. It's our school's solution to the problem of having kids wait in a common holding area where we had previously had problems. The kids are now in class a little early, and it allows for that no-pressure relational time. I'm loving that time. The boys' class is watching ESPN every morning. In my class, I'm usually getting set up, pushing the piano out (since I teach in the orchestra room), so I end up at the piano playing, "Don't Stop Believing" and the girls sing. It's a good time for singing, "Happy Birthday," as well. I am really loving the opportunity to have the "face time" with kids. If only I could have that with my third period class too...

I can't help but think that the wonderful start to this school year has a lot to do with the meditation on the Psalms that have been sometimes voluntarily and sometimes involuntarily taking place in my mind lately. I do think I'm being a better teacher, but I don't think it's because I'm really anything. It's because I'm allowing God to make me a better teacher than I've ever been. I truly want to be the teacher, the mother, the wife, the daughter, the child of God, that God wants me to be.

I'm finally getting to teach, "I See the Light," from Tangled. So of course that's the song in my head.

* This is a reference to Song of Solomon 2:14-16. "Catch us the foxes, The little foxes that spoil the vines, For our vines have tender grapes." Often times we let the little things bother us and ruin the bigger things that are good.