This Week, Part 2

I left you last after my Sunday of worship and work. Hard, back-breaking work.

Monday I was sore.

Monday I became facebook friends with my piano teacher from college. He had been on facebook since July, and yet it took me nearly 5 months to find him. I had done a search for him more than once on facebook, and he never showed up (that I saw) until Monday, when someone I knew commented on a photo of his or something like that.

I had things to do on Monday that didn't get done. I'll admit it. I spent way too much time on facebook Monday. I didn't go grocery shopping, and I didn't even put Little Girl down for a nap. I just couldn't tear myself away from the computer. Bad me. I scanned and uploaded just about every high school picture I have of my friends and me. I had to disassemble a framed collage to do that. It was a very involved task, one that could have waited for another day when I didn't have actual things that needed to happen. Oh well. What's done is done, and I'm glad to have the pictures out there. When you put out pictures like that, people tag the people they know who are in the pictures, and then you get connected with the people you weren't connected with, and the circle grows and grows.

Tuesday was a busy day. First thing I had to make up for having not grocery shopped the day before. Then I met with some friends to hang out and pray, and let our girls play together. That is where the interesting part of the week really gets rolling. (I know, I'm into the second post, and it's only NOW getting interesting. Sorry, folks. This is my place to tell as detailed a story as I want.)

When we prayed together, aloud, God spoke a couple of things directly to my heart. 1) Now is not a stepping stone to the next thing. Now is the destination. What are you waiting for? And 2) Little Girl will be a huge asset to the kingdom of God, and her heart will be on fire for God if she can see it in you.

Whoa...

God had me all stirred up at that point. This last year, since losing my father-in-law, has been a rough road, and I have been slowly coming back to a right relationship with God. I have accepted my father-in-law's death (though I still miss him very much, and will always!), and I've seen some seeds planted in Big Girl as a result. If his passing means she will join us in heaven one day, then I know it was worth it. Anyway, my heart is coming around after that huge season of suffering following his passing.

I went home, and immediately walked up to the school to get Big Girl. On the way home, I was reminded that there was a women's ministry meeting Tuesday night, planning the upcoming ladies' retreat. I had the thought, I should go to that. Maybe whatever God has for me NOW has something to do with that. I really had no idea what.

After I got back home, fed the girls a snack, I sat down at the computer for the first time that day, and my piano teacher popped up in a chat window (the one I had just become friends with the day before). We had a few exchanges of chit-chat, then he asked, "what's going on with you?" So I shared with him the stuff God had revealed to me earlier. As I was sharing with him, it became clear to me that what I had to do at the meeting was to offer myself up to lead worship, or at least play the piano for it. It was no coincidence that this man who is so tied to piano in my life hadn't shown back up until then. When I realized all of this, I started shaking, palms sweating, you name it. But I knew in my spirit that God was calling me to offer that up.

This may not make sense to my readers, so let me explain. I started taking piano lessons when I was 3 from my mother. I continued to take lessons throughout my childhood, with a couple breaks here or there. It was a constant struggle between my mom and me about piano practice. I had enough talent to fake it, mostly. Finally when I was in 10th grade, I was in band and choir at school, and I really didn't want to do the piano thing anymore, so I quit. Then when I was a music major in college, I had to take piano again. I still didn't like practice, and got a D my first semester from the teacher I'm now facebook friends with. (I made a lot of mistakes that first semester, and that was just one of them.) For some people, the thing they fear most in the world is speaking in front of people. For me, it's playing the piano in front of people. My knees knock together, my hands shake. I'm stiffening up nervously right now just thinking about it. It's not a place I want to be, offering that up to the women's ministry at church.

So I went to the meeting, fully expecting to offer to play, and they'd say, "thanks, but no thanks," and move right along. And that's nearly how it went, only I didn't say anything. The pastor's wife got up and started talking about registration, and hostesses and stuff like that. She mentioned the lady who is doing the worship leading and another doing the speaking. I sighed, relieved. I volunteered to help with registration. I can do that. I can make a database and enter information and keep things organized. I'm good at that sort of thing. (I have a database for my homeroom mom stuff, after all!)

After the meeting, a friend of mine needed to talk to me about something, so we sat there a few minutes. I shared with her that God was stirring something up in me, and went through the whole thing with her. (Incidentally, she went to my college and also knows the teacher I'm talking about.) Before I could get away, she called the pastor's wife over and had me tell her. When I started to say the words, they barely came out. I was flooded with fear and trembling. I did say what I had to say. I obeyed the obvious thing God called me to do that night. She and my other friend prayed over me before we left. That was a truly special moment, one I hope I never forget.

So now it's not up to me. Whatever happens with my piano playing is in God's hands. When He calls on me to practice, I pray that I will. I pray I will practice with a happy heart and not the same rebelliousness I showed my mother for all those years.

After I got home, I was chatting with another friend (the one I met at Chick-fil-a that day and got a free milkshake from the manager), and God showed me something else. I had to completely reject playing the piano for 10 years so that I could separate my mother's love from it. Growing up, I had it in my head that my mother's love was tied to whether or not I was playing the piano. That was not the reality, but it was my immature perception. Now that my mother's love and favor toward me has nothing to do with piano, I can enter that back into my life without the same feelings of worth or worthlessness being tied in. (Now I know my mother's love is based on my having given her grandchildren!! HA HA!)

God knows what He's doing as he weaves the intricate tapestries of our lives. It's utterly amazing.

That brings us up to Tuesday night. Wednesday and Thursday will have to wait for another post.

Tonight the song in my head is "Africa" by Toto. Here's why. This video is a really good one. You should watch it and enjoy. It's not the video for "Africa." It's better than that. All will be made clear after you watch.