Wandering in the Desert

Don't you wish sometimes you were wandering in the dessert instead of the desert? (Ha, ha - Little Girl would say.)

Anyway, it seems sometimes when I read over my blog posts that everything in my life is happy all the time. While it's true that I have a very blessed life, it's also true that not everything is so sunny as it seems all the time. That's just not real life.

It's also true that talking about negative things in such a public forum can be quite tricky. Specifics of any given situation can hurt people in unintended ways, and it's just not a good idea to vent to the whole world, even if names are changed to protect the innocent.

In my very blessed life, there is one are in which I feel I am wandering in the desert, and that has led me to write this post. And while I can't really talk about anything with specificity, I can talk about the wandering.

It's very frustrating sometimes to be in the desert. Especially when you feel God has led you there. It's easy to start questioning everything from your ability to hear God to His goodness. Surely a good God wouldn't lead me here, we think. Or maybe I didn't hear God correctly when I thought he sent me here. However you slice it, if God is leading, and you're in a desert, it doesn't mean God was wrong, or that you were wrong in hearing him and discerning his leading.

The trip through the desert is very instructive. It pulls away all the layers of veneer, the false things we rely on. The children of Israel had to wander in the desert for 40 years! They complained about everything along the way, too. (And so do we, if we're being completely honest.) They didn't have food, so they complained, and God sent manna. Then they complained about not having water, so God made water come out of a rock. They wanted to return to captivity in Egypt, rather than wander in the desert. They lost all sense of perspective out there in the desert.

I can relate. In this one thing, I don't really know what the right choice is. I think I've followed God through the steps that have brought me where I am, but I'm questioning that point. In so many areas of my life, I see God's hand as clear as daylight, but in this, it's a complete mystery.

So back to the point... There's a song by Dennis Jernigan, "Simple is the Living," and in it there's a line: if there were no dryness, how could we love the rain. I think of that line so often when I hear people ask about why bad things happen to good people. I think of that line when I think about pain, and why God admits it into our lives (admits = lets it in). If all we experienced in life was the good, would we really know how good it was?

My Pawpaw was a farmer, and as a kid, I didn't understand why he liked rain so much. To me it was a bother, something that meant I couldn't play outside. "Rain, rain, go away..." and all that. I couldn't appreciate the rain because I had no idea what dryness was all about.

Where are you going to learn all about dryness? While wandering in the desert.

That doesn't make it any easier while you're wandering, but it does help a little. Knowing there's a purpose to it... That journey through the desert makes the rain so much sweeter when it comes. It INCREASES the faith of the one who has wandered and followed God even when it didn't make a whole lot of sense.

The song in my head right now is "When It's All I Can Do," by Truth from the album, One. The last line of the chorus says, "I need to turn to You, when it's all I can do." I'd argue that we need to turn to God long before it's all we can do, but the sad truth is that as long as there is something else we can do, turning to Him is the last thing we do. Thus, another trip through the desert so that all we can do is trust Him to lead us out.