Halloween

In the last couple of days, I've been sunken into boring house stuff that I don't want to do. There's after-party-clean-up (yes, there's still some of that nearly a week later), laundry, and then regular cooking/dishes mess that is required if we're going to eat, and I have a messy kitchen to contend with. I just don't want to do any of it. Waaah. I'm being a big baby about it all, and I know that, and it's embarrassing, honestly. I don't like myself when I get like this, and that demotivates me even more. I know I'd feel a whole lot better if I just finished something. Correction: if I finished something productive.

Today, with it being Halloween AND a Friday means that there will be a late night block party on our street, whether we like it or not. Our neighbors across the street and down 2 houses have a haunted house in their back yard that they do every year. There are even signs for it around the neighborhood. It's a big deal. I've never seen anything like it that was privately funded, and executed. Out front they have a large boat, and they make it look like a pirate ship. And I have no idea how they do the haunted house in the back having a pool in their backyard, but they do! Last year we moved in 2 weeks before Halloween, and had no idea what we were in for. This year, having seen the hysteria last year, we know what we're in for. And frankly, we'd like to retreat, and be able to have peace a quiet instead. That's because we're party poopers of the finest sort.

Actually, it has more to do with my husband's autism than anything. I think I could get into the groove of a good block party (although I'm really not a fan of Halloween) if it didn't make such an anxiety- and anger-riddled experience for Hubby. In the years when we had no idea about his autism, I really thought he was overreacting to the noise and any perceived rule-breaking he detected brought on by this sort of event. In his mind, everyone else's right to make noise ends where it is a nuisance to him trying to do just "be" inside his own house. While that's the way it ought to be, it seldom is the way it is (loud motorcycles driving down the street, cars with thumping bass, neighbors' dogs barking incessantly, etc) and it certainly will not be the way it is tonight. On top of the people noise, it will stir up every dog in a 5 block radius. The tension in our house will be palpable. I plan to go outside and watch. I don't know what Hubby will do.

Our church is throwing a Fall Fest, and we'll take our little cheerleader and Hello Kitty (recycling the kitty ears!) there to gather more candy than they can eat, bounce on a bouncy thing, play some carnival games (only they will be rigged for WINNING), and then come home and put them to bed. Then I'll go outside.

Something else is really bothering me today too. I took a shower, and forgot to use conditioner when I washed my hair. No big deal, I have some spray stuff that can make my hair smoother and condition it a little, right? Well, I used "spray shine", and I used too much. Now my hair looks greasier than before I washed it. I'm not a glamour girl. I can handle not looking perfect all the time. I do have a CHI straightener (and I love it), and a ceramic curling iron that get used at least 3-4 times a week. I can probably rescue this hair situation somewhat. But it's bothering me. I just had to get that off my chest.

I don't wanna be a crybaby. I do'nt wanna be sitting here complaining.

I really think that Halloween is putting me in a bad mood. I don't like it. I don't like the glorification of witches and goblins, and people looking gorey. I don't like the superstitious heritage this non-holiday has, and I can't really get over that. I do not ever want to own a T-shirt, lawn decoration, knick-knack or whatever with "Happy Halloween," or a jack-o-lantern or other "halloweeny" thing on it. I'm the Halloween version of Scrooge, and I'm OK with that.

So bah, humbug. I wish you the best on this last day of October.

I still have Weird Al in my head. This one, "Trapped in the Drive-Thru" is a parody of "Trapped in the Closet" by R. Kelly. Wikipedia describes it as "an excrutiatingly detailed narrative set to music about a couple getting burgers at the drive-thru." If you're married, if you've ever been a part of a long-term relationship, you can totally relate. The video is the best of the animated videos of any of the songs on this album. I'll warn you, it's 11 minutes long, but worth the watch.

Songs

As promised, the song in my head yesterday was Weird Al's "I'll Sue Ya," off the album, Straight Outta Lynwood. It's a style parody of Rage Against the Machine, and the riff is quite catchy. The video is worth watching, if you haven't. It's animated, and Weird Al didn't make it himself. He had several different animators make videos for several songs on this album.

Today I have another song off that same album in my head, "Pancreas." There's a cute video for that one too, although Weird Al didn't make it, so it's not as good as the "White and Nerdy" video, but it has it's own vibe which works with the song.

I know I'm going totally nerdy with these, but that's what this blog is about. This is what's actually in my head.

I'm finally to the point of knowing my Choral Arts music well enough to have that rolling around in my head too. So along with the nerdy Weird Al, I have Benjamin Britten's "Cantata Misericordium," Ralph Vaughan Williams's "Five Mystical Songs," and Sir Edward Elgar's "Great Is the Lord" taking turns up front in my conciousness. And those are just what we practiced last night. That's not the whole program.

That just ups the nerdy quotient, I know. But, what can I do? I gotta be me! I am at peace with my inner nerd.

Big Girl's Birthday

Today is Big Girl's actual birthday. Today is the anniversary of the day I became a mom. This morning, before Big Girl went off to school, I sat with her for a moment to try to tell her that six years ago today was one of the happiest days of my life. I think it sailed right over her head, but I least I told her. And I'll tell her again next year, and the next. One of these days she'll hear it, although I don't expect her to understand until she has a precious baby of her own. Still, I think it's important for me to say things like that to bless her, even if she doesn't get it.

That got me to thinking again about how having a baby brings a greater understanding of God's love. Here is this precious, helpless little thing that you don't know, but you know that no matter what, you love her with a love that would not hold anything back for her sake. I'd jump in front of a moving train to save her. I'd fight off a bear to save her. And what has she done to deserve that? Nothing really. She hasn't earned that love. She did nothing. What makes her the recipient of that kind of love is just the fact that she's mine. That's it. I love her because she's mine.

And that's how it is with God. We don't deserve His love. But we get it because we're His. What's even more special is that we weren't even born into his family. We're adopted, chosen to be a part of it. (I'm not trying to get into the whole free will/predestined argument here, so please don't go there.) Even when we act in a way that would make Him not want to claim us, He still does because we're His. Nothing we can do could make Him stop loving us, and nothing we could do could make Him love us more. His love is unwavering, unending, freely bestowed on His children.

Here's a picture of Big Girl from six years ago today. Who wouldn't love such a beautiful baby? (I know my eyes of love can't see anything but beauty in that face!)
There is a song in my head today, and it's not a very pretty one, so I'll wait to tell you til tomorrow. I have such a sweet feeling in this post, I'd hate to ruin it with this song. You'll understand tomorrow!

Blessings!

I can't believe I nearly forgot to blog this...

Yesterday, in the fray of my scrambling around to get things ready for the party, my dear, sweet husband did the most wonderful thing any husband could ever do for a wife: he asked me what could he do to help! He's the one who vacuumed the stairs, vacuumed the upstairs, unloaded the dishwasher and then (the kicker- he did this one unbidden) he cleaned up the kitchen after my cake-decorating mess!!! I cannot tell you what a load that lifted from me. I will be thanking him for his loving kindness and thoughtfulness for at least another few days!

My sweet husband is a blessing to me in so many ways. This was just one very concrete example I could share with the whole world. My primary love language is not acts of service, but this time those acts of kindness spoke VOLUMES to me!!!

Darling husband of mine, I love you more than words can say, and I thank you so much for the help you were to me yesterday! You blessed me in a very tangible way, and I sincerely appreciate what you did for me.

Birthday Party Triumph!

The birthday party was a total success!! It was scheduled from 3-4:30, and it was at 4:18 that I looked around, after all the planned activities had taken place and wondered, "Now what?". That means there was only 12 minutes in the whole party that were not choreographed in some way, and since this was a girl party (oh boy, was it ever!), the little girls, mostly in adorable dresses, all went outside and played together. It was great!

Here are a couple pictures of my Hello Kitty creations. The cake was beautiful, if I do say so myself. I made it from a 9x13 cake, froze it the day before (as recommended by the online instructions I read), and then cut it to this shape. I frosted it with store-bought icing, used a tube of purple for the bow (Big Girl's choice color), used jelly beans for the eyes and nose, and black licorice for the whiskers. I had no trouble finding black licorice at our local grocery store, which surprised me. Unfortunately I now have the rest of the package that I'm not too crazy about, but I'll probably end up eating it anyway. Can't let good candy go to waste!

I also made the "Pin the Bow on Hello Kitty" poster. I free-handed it, which is obvious by the lopsided curve at the bottom, but it was no less fun for the girls being lopsided. I mentioned how I had to go back and make the yellow bows since I had forgotten one kid. That kid turned out to be sick and couldn't come to the party. If I hadn't gone back and made more bows, it would have turned out the other way, then I'd be the horrible mom who forgot a kid she invited to a birthday party. (I blocked out the names for privacy's sake, but the names were in the center of each bow.) They were pre-taped to my china cabinet, so when it was time to play, I called each kid up, she took her turn, then I called the next name. It worked so very well. The china cabinet is on the wall in our living room opposite the large sectional sofa, so there was plenty of room for everyone to sit and watch the game. It was easy to see who won, since the names were on the bows. The girl who won was Big Girl's best friend at school, I think. It was the girl she talks about the most. And the prize for the game was a hair bow.

There was an unexpected blessing at this party. My mom was there, of course. That wasn't unexpected. What I didn't think about was that it also meant that for most of the girls there, their music teacher was at the party. As we were waiting for girls to arrive, we all ended up outside on the front lawn. My mom, the music teacher, began playing a game with the few who were already there that she had taught them in class this week. For the 15 minutes or so that it took for everyone to get there, we had a little music game going, and all the girls were under control, engaged in an activity they enjoyed. My Little Girl wasn't very good at it, but she didn't already know what to do, and she's only 3. I'll cut her some slack. It was absolutely wonderful. I love my mom! I love my kid's music teacher!!

I have 2 songs in my head this morning. (I'm suffering from insomnia, probably the party let-down, maybe now that the stress is over, my body doesn't remember how to be normal...) Both songs are Weird Al. My husband has been on a Weird Al kick of late and just bought Straight Outta Lynwood this week. The first single, "White and Nerdy," from that album went all the way to #10 on the Billboard charts. Yes it's in my head. If you haven't seen it, you've to watch the video at least once. It's hilarious. And yes, that's really Donnie Osmond. The other song in my head is "Polka Power" from Running With Scissors. It's a polka medley of some pop songs from the late '90's, including "MMMBop."

Busy, Busy, Busy

This week has been super busy, and it's not over yet. You already know what went down Monday, the dentist fiasco. I can't seem to recall Tuesday, except that I was able to take a nap with Little Girl, and then be awake for all of Choral Arts rehearsal, all the way to 10:00 PM! Then Wednesday the whirlwind really picked up.

I had my day off on Wednesday this week. I went shopping for Big Girls' birthday party. I started around 9:30, and was almost late picking up Little Girl in time to go get Big Girl at 2:30. I went everywhere, craft store, grocery store, Christian bookstore, party supply store, toy store, Wal-mart and Target. I never realized how much energy it takes to shop. I usually don't bite off more than one or two of those excursions at a time, but I don't usually have the freedom I had Wednesday with no kids to buckle/unbuckle everywhere I went.

I settled down just a little bit Wednesday afternoon before the Wednesday night activities began. We always do our Chick-fil-a dinner before AWANA and that's exactly what we did. Then after we came home, I made a "Pin the bow on Hello Kitty" poster and the bows to be "pinned" (taped, really) on. After that, it was about 10:30 and I set about to trimming the meat I had purchased at the grocery store so that we could have dinner on Thursday night. I felt pretty smart for trimming more than we needed for Thursday night, and freezing the rest in a baggie with marinade. They'll be really yummy, and ready to cook once they thaw. Anyway, all that was done by 11:30, and I was pooped.

Then Thursday morning, the day began at 6:30, as usual, getting Big Girl up and ready for school. The house was a wreck, so that was #1 priority. I can't recall all of what I did yesterday, but I know that I was busy non-stop until it was time to get Big Girl from her early release day at school, 2 hours earlier than the usual dismissal time. After we came home, there was an awkward hour before we had to go back up to the school for a parent/teacher conference, the first official one of Big Girl's academic career.

The conference was great. Big Girl was excited to show me some of her work, and the teacher had a whole set of things to go over with me (standard for all her conferences, I gathered). Big Girl is reading and comprehending at a mid-first grade level. She knew all her letters and numbers going into Kindergarten, and was able to do almost everything they test for, except the one thing she didn't want to do when they did the assessment. She's an interesting kid that way. She's capable of quite a lot, but she's just not always willing.

Yesterday, back to party stuff, I realized I had forgotten one kid in my count of kitty ears and "pin the bow" bows. I had put kids' names on the bows so that when they tape them wherever, we'll know without having to remember who put it where. The bad thing was that I ran out of pink posterboard from which I had made all the bows. So now instead of making just one more, I had to make more than that so there can be an assortment, and the kid I forgot will never know that I forgot her. I had left a bow off of one set of kitty ears for the little brother of one of the girls coming to the party, so I just sewed a bow on that set of ears and then made another set of ears without the pattern (which I had thrown away thinking I was finished with it). The last ears (sans bow) ended up a little bit pointier than the others, and I didn't want the one with the bow to look distinguishably different, but it's OK for the boy ears to look different.

All day yesterday I was feeling the busyness of the day before in my back and shoulders. I could see my reserves depleting quickly.

I made dinner (grilled chicken, mashed potatoes and frozen veggies), Hubby bathed the girls and put them to bed while I cleaned up the kitchen. I made a list of things that needed to be done today and tomorrow, then I went upstairs. I lit some candles, and took a jacuzzi bath. After that I got into my warm pj's and went right to bed. I was in bed before 9:00.

Today I've been trying to do the things on the list for today (9 items, not including regular daily stuff like feeding the children!), and unfortunately, I've added to the list for tomorrow. Basically, any of the house work that doesn't happen today is not going to happen at all because there is just too much party-specific stuff that must happen.

One more thing I must mention: I broke my tooth yesterday. Well, it was really just a part of a filling, but still, now I have a broken thing on a tooth that requires me to go to the dentist. And we all know how happy that makes me. I have an appointment for November 7th.

When my iPod hasn't been playing (which hasn't been all that much these last couple of busy days), "Penny Lane" has been the song in my head. My brain has been alternating between The Beatles version and the King's Singers version, which isn't nearly as cool, but still I really love that song. For once the song in my head hasn't made me want to extract whichever part of my brain houses the music library!

The Dentist

Today was Big Girl's dentist appointment. In order to accurately tell the story of the day, I must start with the minute I walked in the door from Field Day on Friday. It was about 12:30. There was a message on the machine from the pediatric dentist's office saying that the insurance company needed a referral in order to authorize the coverage. Don't you just love "insurance speak"? Ugh. That message was left at 11:30ish and their office closes at noon on Friday, so whatever questions I had couldn't be answered until this morning.

How early is "first thing"? I thought 8:17 was early enough to call and have my question answered, and have plenty of time to follow through with whomever I needed to call next, and have everything in place for the appointment at 12:30. From whom do we get a referral from, the pediatrician or our adult dentist? Well, I started calling at 8:17. The phone rang and rang, until finally a female automated voice came on the line saying, "We're sorry. All our circuits are busy. Please try your call again later." After the first few times I heard this message (which came on after 31 rings, I counted), I started to get perturbed. I called for over an hour straight. I'd hear that message, hang up and then hit redial. At 9:30, I was fed up. I got Little Girl dressed and into the car, and drove over to the dentist's office. Surely they couldn't ignore me if I was right there in front of them.

I have great trepidation about dentistry. I don't like to go to the dentist. I have avoided the dentist for years at a time in the past, and I'm currently overdue for a cleaning by about a year. I REALLY hate going. It's not that I've had some horrible, painful stuff done even. I have had a little work done, when a filling I got as a kid had a crack in it and I had a cavity under the filling. I just hate getting the shots in my mouth, and even just having my mouth open that big and someone's hands in there, I just don't like any part of it.

I also have great trepidation about messing with Big Girl's expectations. I'm already throwing a money-wrench into her day by taking her out of school in the middle of the day. She is expecting me to go get her. If something is wrong with the insurance coverage, and this trip to the dentist isn't going to happen, it's too late for that to be no big deal to my Big Girl.

And then add to the stress of those things having the phone ring and ring and ring for over an hour. I just had a simple question. After a while I was thinking, "Why didn't the person who left me that message give me a direct extension?" "How many people do they have answering phones?" "How can any office of any kind have customer service this bad?"

When I got there, I tried to keep myself in check. By then I was really in a tizzy, and it wasn't going to happen. I went in and asked for the office manager. She quickly ushered me into a little room where I could tell her what had happened that morning without everyone in the office hearing me. It was a very good and professional move on her part, quite counter to the impression I had based on the phone ringing and ringing. She answered the question I had, which was not that big a deal, but everything was a big deal at that point. She was surprised to hear of the phone woes, saying that she would try calling in from her cell phone to see if there was a problem with their phone system. She went through their system with me, who is responsible for checking messages and when that happens. At the most, their system is only supposed to ring 4 times and then it goes to voice mail, and after 50 messages, it's supposed to tell the caller that the voice mail box is full. That never happened to me. I would have been so happy to leave my question on a voice mail.

After about 15 minutes, she said the phone number, and it turned out, I heard xxx-3331 on the message, but the dentist's number is xxx-2331.

I felt so bad. I apologized. I may have even cried a little, I don't remember.

On my way out, I picked up the forms that I'd have to fill out later, so getting in would be a little quicker.

I went back home, fed Little Girl lunch, got Big Girl from school and went back to the dentist.

I was a nervous wreck. Not only was it a trip to the dentist, it was Big Girl's first time. I was transferring my feelings to her, and then adding in her sensitivity to the sounds of dentistry, and I expected a gigantic tantrum. None of what I worried about happened. Little Girl wanted a turn and nearly threw a fit about that, but in the end was distractable enough to be managed. Of course, adding to my nerves was the embarrassment of what had happened earlier.

Big Girl did great. She stayed still for x-rays, cooperated beautifully for the cleaning, and was a fantastic patient all around. She has no cavities, and the thing I was most worried about, the baby tooth with the permanent tooth coming in behind it, is starting to loosen up. It will fall out on its own, and not have to be pulled! Hooray!

I'll forever be "that crazy lady". Not my finest moment. But at least all that mess happened in time for everything to go as smooth as silk when Big Girl was there.

I didn't appreciate the dig made by the office manager on our way out after Big Girl's appointment. That was unnecessary. Like that will ever happen again... We may just have to find another dentist.

Song in my head right now is (quite appropriately), "My Stupid Mouth," by John Mayer.

Field Day

Today was Field Day at Big Girl's school.

Why do Field Day in October, you ask? Well, they used to do it in May, towards the end of the year, but there are always so many other things to do at the end of the year that they decided to move it to October about 8 years ago, and have been doing it that way ever since. And the PE teachers love getting it out of the way early, then they don't have to think about for the rest of the year. It works out well for everything except one factor, which is the weather. In May you can pretty much count on it to be hot. It may rain, but it will most likely be hot. October is much less predictable. Today was cold. Sure, it warmed up around 2:00, when the clouds parted and let the sun shine, but Kindergarten did Field Day in the morning when it was COLD, especially for the kids who got drenched by the water balloons.

They have one station, a favorite every year, where the kids stand in the path of the catapulted water balloons. It was really quite interesting to watch how Big Girl conveniently stood to the side of the crowd of kids who would try to catch the balloons. She got a little wet on the bottom of her pant legs when a balloon landed on the ground pretty close to her. Other than that she stayed dry. She was dry enough to not need the change of clothes we brought just in case.

Little Girl was not so lucky. Well, it really wasn't luck or the lack thereof. Someone actually gave her a couple of water balloons to hold in the stroller with her because she was crying about something (go figure - eyes rolling). About 3 minutes later, she had popped them both in her lap. She was miserably cold and wet for the duration. Her lips were blue by the end of the morning.

We ate lunch with Big Girl and then came home. Little Girl changed clothes, then she and I both slept for a solid 2 hours. It was my job to make sure she napped, which she doesn't always do very well. So I had her lay down in my bed, on Hubby's side, and she and I both went right to sleep, no problem. I set the alarm so we'd wake up in time to go get Big Girl. It's a good system, especially when Little Girl cooperates at the beginning. There have been times when she has fought it until around 2:00, and then we have to get up at 2:30, and she's a bear for the rest of the day. Anyway, good nap today, for which I was VERY thankful!

Today was the first test of my "homeroom mom" skills. I delegated all the things that needed to be done: filling water balloons, and bringing a wagon with water bottles. It all worked out, and everyone did what they were asked to do! I felt kind of bad not having done any of that stuff myself, but I did have to delegate it all, and get everyone organized. That counts for something, right?

Big Girl doesn't get a regular school day until next Wednesday. Monday she has a dentist appointment, so she'll miss out on the middle of the day, then Tuesday is early release. I hope all those different days in a row don't throw her off her game. She's been doing quite well lately since she stopped obsessing about throwing up.

Last night I made the kitty ears for Big Girl's Hello Kitty birthday party. I still need to make and sew bows on them. We're having one little brother come to the party that I know of. I made him some ears too, I'll just leave the bow off. I made the ears out of white felt and hand stitched them onto headbands. I can't wait to see all the little kitties at the party. That will be so fun!

The song in my head right now is John Mayer's "Daughters."

Crazy Hair Day

Today is Crazy Hair Day at Big Girl's school. She went to school today looking like her automatic hair-fixing machine went haywire. I love it! She was very patient with me as I put 10 different bows in her hair. She called it her "fruit bowl hair." What a clever girl she is!

In my head now is "P.S." by Toad the Wet Sprocket.

Yesterday's Song

Yesterday's and this morning's song in my head is "Creep," by Radiohead (the edited for radio version, of course). More specifically, I have the part of the song toward the end playing over and over again, when the guy is kind of wailing, and then alternately the crunchy guitar part at the beginning. If you know the song, then you know what I mean.

I don't know why it wouldn't come to me yesterday when I was blogging. It has been rolling around in my head for a few days, actually. I think it's like when your car consistently makes a funny noise, but when the mechanic is looking at it, it won't do it. Or when you study and study, and you know your stuff, but when you're staring at the test paper, the information just won't come. That's how it is with the song in my head sometimes. It' s there, hiding in the shadows of the back of my mind when I want to pull it to the front, and as soon as I publish the post, it comes out of hiding.

I did have a clever friend suggest that yesterday's song should be every version of "Happy Birthday" I've ever heard. That didn't even cross my mind. And I'm so glad that it didn't happen either!

Happy Birthday to Me

So yeah, it's my birthday. Big Girl got up this morning and very loudly wished me a happy birthday as soon as she saw me, and then proceeded to be very touchy and on the edge of falling apart all morning. She had a meltdown because I put milk on her cereal, which is how she eats it every day, but didn't want it that way today for some unknown reason. Go figure. Autism really sucks sometimes.

This weekend was weird. My parents went out of town to visit my brother and his wife. Usually we go over to my parents' house after church on Sunday and Mom makes lunch (sometimes pot roast), and the girls take a nap, Mom, Dad and me fall asleep on the couch in front of football on TV and Hubby gets on the internet in Dad's office. We do that about 3/4 of the time. But not this weekend, obviously.

My pot roast turned out great. It was very tasty and everyone ate plenty. Hubby even really liked the carrots, which surprised me a little. I'm just glad that I have another meal option that I know how to do, and it's yummy!

Yesterday's trip to the inflatable play place was sort-of fun. We went there first thing and were there 15 minutes before they opened at 9:30. The girls both seemed to be hungry and thirsty earlier than I expected, so we went across the parking lot from the play place to Whataburger for lunch at earlier than planned, at 10:40 or so. I hadn't eaten breakfast, so I was hungry then too. Afterward we went back to play. They didn't play as long as usual. It got pretty crowded. I think that's going to be how it is now that we're stuck going when Big Girl's not in school. If she's not in school, then neither are the rest of the kids in town. It was an expensive 2 hours of play. But that's why we only go when she earns it.

Both of the girls took naps after we came home, around 12:30, which is rare, but yesterday they both needed it big time. For getting to do something fun and out of the ordinary, they were both really grouchy.

Of course dinner was no big deal, with the leftover roast. :-) Even Big Girl liked it. That's a big deal. She can be as picky as her dad.

After dinner we took a little walk to the neighborhood park and the girls played for a little while. It was nice to go outside and do something with all of us. We don't do that as much as we should. I got Hubby do it by prefacing all of it with, "I have a birthday wish: to go to the park." How could he refuse? We came home in time to toss the girls into the tub and then bedtime.

After the girls were in bed, Hubby and I were both on our computers, he wheeled over to me and he pulled out my birthday present: a pruple iPod Nano 4G! He also got me the best card he's ever gotten me in the 11 years we've been together. The words in it actually sound like the things he'd say. He completely surprised me with the gift. I never saw it coming. It's the 8GB, which is the smaller of the Nanos, but up to now I've been using a 1GB Shuffle, so this is a huge improvement. The playlist from which I've been loading my Shuffle is only 7.1GB, and it all fits on the Nano. And it's purple. :-) Ever since college, and really my senior year of high school after I had committed to go to UMHB, purple has been my favorite color.

I'm not one of those crazies who shops in the store in the mall where everything is purple. I don't want my whole world to be purple. But if I can choose a blue cup or a purple cup, I'll choose purple. In fact I do that every time I'm at my parents' house. There's one plastic purple cup, and I use it every time I'm there if it's clean, which it usually is because Mom saves it for me. I'd also choose a purple iPod, and Hubby knew that. I feel the need to distinguish myself because there are those people in the world who go overboard on purple, and I'm really not one of those. I just like it in moderation, that's all.

Today is going to be a pretty ordinary Tuesday, unfortunately. I have choir practice from 7-10, so there's not time to do something fun, like go to dinner or anything. And by the time I get home, it's time to unwind and then go to bed.

I did see Mom this morning when I took Big Girl to school, and she had birthday stuff to give me, the card from Dad and her, and a present from my brother and his wife they sent home with Mom and Dad. That was nice.

I'm listening to Cake right now on my iPod. I'll probably have my iPod on all day, and won't really have a song in my head because there will be one playing in my ear! (It'll probably be good for me to take a break from the political talk shows I usually listen to.)

Columbus and the Long Weekend

This weekend is a long weekend for Big Girl. Yesterday (Friday) she didn't have school, and she's off Monday too. Thursday was even an early release day, so that day ended early even. Big Girl earned a dollar on her penny chart, so yesterday was supposed to be the day we went to an inflatable playhouse for her $1 reward.

Supposed to be... of course it didn't happen. Little Girl got up yesterday morning and came to our room while Hubby and I were getting ready for the day, laid down on our bed and fell asleep for about 45 minutes. Weird. Then as I was buckling her into her carseat to go, she urped all the juice I had just given her to go with the baggie of cereal she had barely started to eat. She had slept through breakfast afterall, so she was getting hers on the run. She didn't seem really sick, except for the lethargy and the sort-of throwing up. But we cancelled the play trip and we'll try and make that up on Monday. It's such a bummer because my wonderful neighbor was planning to join us. Her mini-van was still in the driveway, so I was able to let her know we couldn't go. I hope they can come on Monday.

Monday is Columbus Day, which means that more people will be off than on Friday. I hope the inflatable place won't be crowded. Oh well, not much I can do about that.

I've been really down on my household duties lately. The big three that have really been getting me are laundry, dishes and dinner. Not that I'm good at the housekeeping stuff either, but those three things seem to be a more persistent problem than the rest. Probably because we dirty dishes and laundry daily, and need to eat multiple times a day. I can handle the easy meals. Cereal and sandwiches are no big stresser for me. It's that other meal where you actually have to make real food.

This week, on Thursday night, I made chicken for dinner in a way that I don't usually, and it sparked this big discussion between Hubby and me about the things I make for dinner and what he likes/doesn't like. He is one of the pickiest eaters on the planet (no exaggeration at all), and I feel like all I can make is chicken. And even then I can only cook it in about 2 or 3 ways, and I'm sick of it. He says for me to make whatever I want and he'll eat it or not depending on if he likes it. I just can't disregard the tastes and feelings of 25% of my audience who eats close to 50% of the food! Anyway, that prompted what I'm doing for lunch tomorrow.

I'm making my first pot roast. I'm way behind the cooking curve, I know. And we'll have leftovers to make another several meals this week. I'm really looking forward to barbeque beef sandwiches Monday and maybe Tuesday too, depending on how much we eat those first two nights.

Cooking is just one of those things I didn't learn from Mom while I lived with her. When I was in her kitchen, I always felt like I didn't do it right, so I never really tried much. I didn't stir things well enough, or whatever the task was. She always criticized how I did it, and then did it behind me. So I went away. When I got married, I really didn't know how to do much at all. I could brown hamburger, and that was about it.

For example, the Saturday before I knew I was pregnant with Big Girl, I craved scrambled eggs, so I looked it up how to make them, and made them for the first time. That was March 2, 2002, after I'd been married over 3 years. (Hubby doesn't eat eggs AT ALL, unless they're cooked in, like in a cake.)

I do a lot of asking my mother how to do things, but I'm doing things in my own kitchen where she's not coming in behind me. It makes a huge difference in my desires to try things. And as time has gone on, I find myself wanting to eat certain things, and then I'll learn how to make whatever it is. I did that with fajitas, which is one of my favorite things to make. And now pot roast. I told Hubby I feel like a guy changing his oil for the first time without his Dad helping him know what to do. It's like a rite of passage. My first pot roast.

All in all, I'm not a bad cook, but I don't really like doing it. It's one of those things that comes up all the time that I have to deal with. Laundry, dishes and dinner are the three things that come up all the time making work for me, and I go through phases of just being sick of all of it. It's safe to say that I'm there now. At least I have dinner under control for a few days.

The song in my head has slipped my mind, thanks to my iPod. Aren't you glad I'm not naming something off the wall and strange that will get stuck in your head? I actually have a friend who avoids reading my blog just because he doesn't want to be plagued with whatever song is in my head. The nerve! There's so much here besides just the songs. *Shrug* Oh well.

Ants Marching, Time Steamrolling

I'm on the freight train of time, rolling down the tracks without much chance to breathe, let alone blog, it seems. Maybe I'm just a little ant, marching in line, carrying six times my body weight...

Somehow I've been goaded into the job of Homeroom Mom for Big Girl's class. So far the job seems pretty much right up my alley. There's a lot to keep up with as far as organizing the other parents in the class, figuring out who can help with what. Today I put all the info I have into a database to keep up with everything. It feels like a job, only the pay is diddly squat, nothing. If anything, I may be out some money to cover some things throughout the year. Oh well. It's for the good of the children.

I got Big Girl a dentist appointment for a week from Monday. That's good news. The bad news is that she'll miss part of her school day. I hope that doesn't mess her up. The upside to a mid-day appointment is less chaos in the waiting room, a big plus when you throw autism into the mix.

Little Girl is showing some massive improvements on the potty front, and it's great to be on this side of it, finally. Yesterday she initiated a trip to the bathroom, pulled her pants down independently and did the big deal! It was great to see her REALLY getting it. I'm very encouraged (what an understatement).

And her behavior has been night and day different still since last week. I really think a large part of it was me. Tonight, just before bed, she didn't want to let me brush her teeth, and I was able to get her to cooperate enough (through her tears) to let me do it. She wanted her turn first. But I know all that happens when she goes first is the licking of the toothpaste, and no teeth actually get brushed. I didn't get ruffled, and she cooperated. That's the progress. It doesn't help when it's an AWANA night and she's tired. We didn't even get home until well after bed time.

It's time to plan Big Girl's sixth birthday party. She's decided it will be a Hello Kitty party. I was able to find lots of great ideas at this website. I'll make headbands with little kitty ears for the girls to wear, we'll play "pin the bow on the kitty," stuff like that. It's going to be the best party of her life so far. Last year we moved 2 weeks before her birthday, so all I did was call 2 friends of mine together at a park near our house and we had a fine time. There were 7 little girls there between the 3 of us moms! This year is very different. Now that she's started school, she has little friends that I don't even know. I have met a couple of them from being up at the school doing some Homeroom Mom stuff, but it's nothing like all the other friends she's ever had up to now where I've known so much about the moms and their lives. These kids are little more to me than faces and names and a few stories from Big Girl.

I am thoroughly encouraged that Big Girl has actual friends in her class. I know there are a few little girls who have really latched onto her. She brings home little pictures given to her and drawn by one particular girl on at least a weekly basis. It's very sweet. This is such a good thing for my little socially-challenged darling.

And with all the goings on, I feel like I never get enough rest and I can't keep up with the house, the dishes, the laundry, putting dinner on the table. Day by day I'm falling further behind. I'm drowning here! When I do have a day like today (it was my "day off") without Little Girl under my feet, I got my oil changed (which has been hanging over me for a couple weeks), and then I got to work filling out some papers for Big Girl's school, making her birthday party invitations, printing them, addressing them, making that database for the homeroom, and then it was time to pick up kids and my "off time" was over! During all that work at the computer, I remembered to throw a frozen meal into the microwave so I'd have something to eat for lunch, but I forgot to get it out and eat it for nearly an hour! Meanwhile, there are still two baskets of laundry to fold, another load of laundry to wash and dry, the dishwasher needs to be unloaded and reloaded with what's in the sink, and I'm too tired to touch any of it. Sigh. Are you tired with me?

I helped out with Big Girl's AWANA class tonight. (I serve in AWANA for the first 2 Wednesdays of the month, and then do choir the last 2 Wednesdays.) A little boy (probably a 2nd grader) needed to use the restroom in the middle of class, so I walked him down the hall and stood outside while he went in to do what he needed to do. After about 2 minutes or so, he started screaming all of a sudden. I ran to the door, opened it and called out to him (I didn't even stick my head around the corner to preserve his privacy, you know how the men's room is). He was fine. Our building has automatic motion-sensing lights in the bathroom to save on energy. The lights had gone out on him while he was in the stall, and he's afraid of the dark. My opening the door was enough to make the lights come back on. Poor kid. It was pretty funny though. He had a good sense of humor about it afterward.

A funny, funny song popped in my head earlier today. (I nearly typed "pooped in my head". Ha!!) No description can do this song justice. Just listen for yourself. I had seen that video a long time ago, and then this weekend Hubby ran across it and showed it to me again. So now it's in my head.

All Done!

I finished my drapes last night. The last one was hung and the finial screwed on just before 10:00 PM!

Big Girl, Little Girl, Strong Will & A Big Tooth

This week I feel like I've been all over the emotional map. I'm excited about my drapes. (They'll be finished later today, if all goes according to plan.) I've been concerned about Big Girl and her eating/anxiety stuff. I've been angry and worried with Little Girl and her willfulness to the point of desperation, and I've been delighted to see some turn around there as well. The play by play would have been too exhausting. So you get the recap.

Big Girl is doing much, much, MUCH better. She has been eating normally since Monday dinner. I found out after school on Monday that she had thrown away her sandwich, and came down hard on that behavior. I don't care if she eats every last bite. I want her to bring it home if she doesn't eat much just so I know she hasn't eaten much. If she were to bring it home, we may throw it away here, but I just need to know what she's eating, especially given the way she wasn't eating hardly at all for a few days there. I think we've got the sandwich issue under control too. She knows there will be consequences if we find out about that happening again.

Little Girl was throwing me for a loop this week. Seemed like screaming was the response to everything, even things that should be fun like riding her tricycle. She was steering it off the sidewalk into grass, and then screaming about it. That's just not fun for anyone. Then from there, she descended into screaming and crying about EVERYTHING, and the "no"s and "I can't"s flowed from there. I was going crazy.

I think it has been my strong will keeping me from turning to the sources I should have been looking toward for at least a year now. I finally obtained a copy of James Dobson's "Strong-Willed Child." My neighbor loaned me hers. I read more than half of it in one night. I read until 11:00 PM or so, then woke up around 3:30 AM thinking about it, finally got up around 4:00 and read some more. (I quit at 6:26, 4 minutes before my alarm goes off!) I realize that my approach has been off somewhat. I've made mistakes. I'm so used to having to think one step ahead of Big Girl with her special needs, I have taken a pass on that with Little Girl. I realize now that I can't do that. I have to be "on" all the time. I need to clearly lay out my expectations with her ahead of time. When we start our trike trek, I need to make it clear that screaming will not be permitted, and then if she screams, I pick up the trike and we walk home. I'm sure she'd scream much more at that point, but at least she's understand why it's happening. And I need to keep my emotions out of it entirely. I'm about as hard to read as large print. She knows when she's getting to me, and she's exploiting that. So things will be different going forward. They have to be.

Even though I had only slept for less than 4 hours, yesterday was a wonderful day with Little Girl. I told her what I expected, and she delivered. It was a good day. I want it to be like that all the time. Even this morning, she has already put her hands on her hips and sassed off a little bit, and I made it clear without getting upset about it that she wasn't going to keep talking to me like that. She shaped up.

Last night, getting the girls ready for bed, brushing teeth, I noticed something on Big Girl that I had never noticed before. She has a permanent tooth coming in right behind her baby tooth, like in a second row. She hasn't yet been to the dentist. Until just recently, we hadn't added the kids to our dental plan (you know, the once a year opportunity for open enrollment), and besides that, I've been terrified to take her. Her first experience will taint how she feels about dentistry from then on. Well, now it's urgent, and I have waited too long. The tooth looks fine, and once the baby tooth is out of the way, I'm sure it will move up where it needs to go. Now I'm worried that the other big teeth won't line up. I guess I shouldn't worry until we see an x-ray. And you know how hard it is to get in to see a dentist. Takes FOREVER!!! I've put a call in this morning, but who knows when they'll call back. Their office hours are only until noon today anyway.

This morning as I was fixing Big Girl's hair before school, she was playing with a little monkey finger puppet. She wanted me to sing "My Monkey" (Jonathan Coulton) to her. I couldn't think of the words to the verse, so I sang "Code Monkey" to her instead. On the CD of Jonathan Coulton songs in my car, the song after "Code Monkey" is "Tom Cruise Crazy," and that's what's in my head now. We sang that one together.