The Eve of School

We're on the cusp of big things... School is about to start. Tonight was "Back to School Night" for one of my girls, and tomorrow night is the other. This is the last year we go to two of these nights for our girls at this elementary school. Next year they're both on the same night, and then after that I'm sending my Big Girl on to... *gulp*... middle school.

I'm just not ready for this girl to be growing up so much. This year, for her school shoes, I had to shop for her in the women's department.

Anyway, today both of the girls got phone calls from their homeroom teachers. It's one of those exciting things... Who will it be?? I'm very pleased with both of the teachers they were placed with. It's going to be a good year.

I've got my classroom ready. I've been at work for about 2 weeks already, with new teacher orientation and meetings and such, plus the regular days all teachers have to do. I'm just about ready to start planning and getting things ready for students to come next week. Next week... It's so close. I'm ready to meet students, and teach choir. I'm tired of the training sessions about entering purchase orders and boring stuff like that. It's important stuff (mostly), but those sessions are so BORING.

I have been exhausted this week, and last, now that I mention it. I've been putting in long hours at the top of a ladder to get things up on the walls in my very tall classroom. Every day that I've been at school without my girls, I've been working at least 2 or 3 hours longer than I had to just so that the days when I did have to bring the girls with me, I'd be able to leave at a reasonable time. When I finally get home, I've been completely useless. Hubby has stepped up quite a bit, and that helps.

I look forward to when "real life" starts. My new job means that there will be a new normal around here, and I wonder how that will work out. I have a longer commute, and longer hours. Who knows how it will go? I guess we find out next week.

I just love the rhythm of the school year... It helps me so much to always have things to look forward to. At the beginning, it's exciting, and everyone is positive. We have holidays, and weird days off here and there to mark interim goals. And then the end... It's so fun towards the end. Everyone is ready for things to be over, and looking toward the summer. It's a good life. There's lots of positive perspective. It's good for me.

As I work in my room, I've been listening to music, playing my iPod on speakers. At various points over the last two weeks, I have had a myriad of songs in my head, and right now, I can't think of a single one... I'm such a failure of a blogger. *Shrug* Oh well...

Big Changes

Seems like there are many changes taking place for our family this summer.

We're on the church search. I have previously blogged a little about some conflict with the church we had been attending. And I really don't want to dwell on that anymore. It's time to find the place we are supposed to serve and worship for the next ten years at least. I don't want to be making another change in a year or two. This is getting old already.

I have a new job lined up for the fall, teaching middle school choir at ONE SCHOOL (Hallelujah!!) for a different school district. I haven't blogged about that at all for obvious reasons. I would hate to say something online that costs me a job opportunity. Knowing me and my big mouth (fingers?), it's likely for me to say (type) something I shouldn't. Getting a job at one school has been a dream of mine for three years. I get to start and end the day in the same place. I get to have all my teaching materials in one place. I get to apply my philosophy exclusively in a choir program that I will not share with another teacher. Let's see if I really know my stuff or what...

Big girl is growing up. She'll be starting the 4th grade in the fall, and that's the year when they start talking about body changes. So in order to beat anyone else to it, she and I have been reading "The Care and Keeping of You," an American Girl book about maturation. She'll be 10 in October, and there are already some changes taking place. She's so much more emotional about EVERYTHING than she has ever been. Her hormones are starting to make her in to a crazy person. I had always heard that would happen. I was hoping my sweet girl would somehow be spared this awful transformation. But she does want to be a mother some day, so I suppose this is required in order for that to happen.

Now that the girls are both getting a little more grown up, we've introduced them to some of our humor. Hubby had the girls watch UHF and I showed them The Princess Bride. Now when Hubby and I start quoting those movies, the whole family is in on it. Dinner has been more fun since they've seen the "Wheel of Fish" and "Raul's Wild Kingdom." We were at the pediatrician's office recently (Little Girl had bronchitis), and the girls were in the little room yelling, "You so stupid!" and making each other laugh. I had to make them stop because other mommies and kids were within earshot and obviously that's not appropriate for a toddler to say. It wouldn't be appropriate for my kids to say in any context other than what it was, quoting the movie. They weren't actually calling each other stupid.

Little girl had bronchitis after we sent her with her grandparents to Disney World with a cough. The trip had been planned for months. We weren't going to not let her go because of a cough. We actually stopped at Walgreen's on the way to the airport to pick up cough medicine (we had given her the last of what we had at home) and some kid's acetaminophen. Then the day they came back, I picked everyone up at the airport, took my parents to their house, and then took Little girl to the doctor on the way home. Poor kid. She's fine now, not even coughing anymore.

Hubby and I have changed. From October to April I lost about 25 lbs. I've had to buy new everything since nothing I had fit except socks and shoes. Hubby is closing in on 40 lbs and he's having to shop too. It's really great. I like the new me better than the old me. I will keep using Lose It! possibly forever. It's working and I don't see a reason to stop. It makes me think about what I eat and make better choices.

So those are the big things... Maybe I'll blog a few more times before school starts and I fall off again. I'm really the worst blogger ever.

What happened to April??

So if you follow this blog, I owe you a serious apology. The six of you must be the most patient readers on the planet because you don't get much from me... Like April...

So in April, I had the best possible thing happen at work. I took my tiny little choir to contest, and they got the best score they could possibly get!! It was so wonderful. I cried with my students as I told them their scores. I have some pictures, but it would be against the law to publish them without the consent of parents.

There have been other interesting things going on that I can't put out there on the interwebs, at least not yet...

My darling husband and I have purchased non-refundable plane tickets to Europe for a summer vacation. We'll be visiting some long-time friends and taking side trips from Germany to Austria, and maybe Switzerland... I know, you feel sorry for me already. It will be tough, but somebody's got to go, and this time it's us. ;o)

The kids are growing and doing more all the time. We have recently begun letting them walk to school together without an adult. We live a few blocks away from the school, so it's not like it's all that far, and there's a crossing guard stationed at the only questionable crosswalk they encounter. It actually makes things easier on us grown-ups to not have to brave the school car traffic, and the kids love the independence. It's a good thing.

My little one seems to be in a better place than ever. She is taking her ADHD medication regularly, and is generally much happier about life. She seems to get frustrated less often, and she's able to complete her school work much more than before.

I have been on a diet since October 19, 2011, and late last month I reached my goal weight!! That has been super fun! I get to add 500 calories per day back into my daily intake, and it feels like a feast! I like the way I look in clothes (size 4 pants!!), and I feel better about myself generally. I don't ever want to fit into all those clothes I took out of my closet ever again. I know it's better for my bad knee to carry 24 pounds less than it was carrying before. Now to keep it off...

Hubby is also losing weight, and he's doing great. I think we're in a better place together than we've ever been.

Life isn't perfect, but it's good, VERY good! Thanks for hanging in there with me.

This is one of our contest pieces that has been in my head for weeks. Catchy, ain't it? (We did the 2-part treble arrangement.)

My Nephew

I have a brand new nephew! My brother and his wife are the proud parents of a beautiful baby boy! I got to meet him over the weekend. He and I got along famously! His mother would nurse him, and then pass him to me, and I'd get him to burp and keep him awake for a few minutes before wrapping him up and getting him to fall asleep. It was so fun! I just love tiny babies so much!

Spring Break

Here it is, the very last day that feels like Spring Break. (In my opinion, Sunday doesn't count, because Sunday feels like Sunday, and not Spring Break, even though school doesn't start again until Monday.) This is also St. Patrick's Day.

Yesterday, my Little Girl and I went out to celebrate her birthday. We started the day with manicures & pedicures at a local nail salon, then had lunch out, saw "The Lorax" in 3D, and then went shopping for a new outfit for her. (She got to pick the outfit, so I could be sure to have at least one thing I could count on not fighting her to wear on a Sunday morning.) We were out from 10 AM to 3 PM. She's seven years old now, growing up fast.

Her birthday is always hard for parties. Being that it's over Spring Break every year, we can't have a party on the weekend before or after because that's a part of Spring Break, and people are gone. We usually do something, so memories are made, and of course we make a huge fuss over her, so she feels special. Last year all four of us went to pick out Daisy, our dog, on her birthday and went to Sea World the next day. This year it was a real girl's day out for just the two of us. It was her first professional mani/pedi, her first 3D movie, and her first time to go shopping for clothes where she had all that freedom to make choices. It was an expensive day with a kid, but we didn't throw a party, so it all works out.

Other than yesterday, Little Girl's big day, I was basically useless for the whole week. I didn't get out of the house at all for three days (not consecutively, thank God). I realize any time I have more than a day or two off that I really need to work. At times I feel like work takes me away from my family too much, but then days like I've had this week remind me how good it is to get out of the house with a purpose. As much fun as it would be at first to have a life of days like yesterday, I would quickly grow tired of going out and spending money like that, not to mention that I'd run out of money! I need to be useful. I'm not all that good at making myself useful on my own.

I needed the rest this week, for sure. Glad to have had it. Now back to work on Monday!

Weight Loss

One of the big things going on in my life for the last 4 and a half months (since October 19, 2011 to be exact) is Lose It! I have officially lost just over 15 lbs by tracking what I eat. It's the first time in my life that I have really dieted, and I've had success! I am not to my goal yet, but I have shrunk by 2 or 3 pant sizes, depending on the brand. My face is thinner and even acquaintances are noticing (and commenting) that I look like I've lost weight.

I think that part of why this is working for me is that I can still eat anything I want. I just have to log it. If I were to put myself on a no-whatever diet, I think I'd be obsessing about eating whatever was off limits. I would cheat, blow it, and then quit. I don't want to lose heart like that.

Back when I was 15 lbs heavier, I could eat about 1650 per day (200 more calories than I can now), and still lose a pound a week. Now that I'm only allowed 1446 per day, it's getting harder. Especially when they have a hamburger cook-out for the staff at work, or when it's birthday cake time. Yesterday was a family reunion with all kids of very good food, and I ate way too much of it. I went nearly 900 calories over my budget! Today I'm very aware that I can't go over, and I'm hungry. I only have 327 calories left for the day, and I want to eat some more cupcakes, and some crackers... but I know I can't. If I hadn't just blown it yesterday, I'd probably go for about 500 calories more for today, and be over by a little.

I know that after I am done baring my soul here, I'll go get some soup, and eat that for 160 calories in the entire can. I know I can afford that. Blogging increases my accountability.

So hungry....

My Instrument

I have been a singer since my earliest memories. There is even video evidence. Just one video of me as a very little kid, singing the books of the New Testament song my mom taught me, and also "The B-I-B-L-E". In "The B-I-B-L-E" my brother kept crawling over to me, and I had to stop singing to boss him (he was probably 7 or 8 months old which would make me less than 3 years old), and every time I came back into the song (sung a capella), I'd come back in a higher key. At the very end, I'm straining to sing the melody, which goes up at the end, and I make a very funny worried face. It's one of my cutest moments, certainly the cutest preserved on film (then transferred to VHS, and now on DVD).

Not too long after that video, I began playing the piano, with my mother as my first teacher. "Pumpkin Pie" was my first song out of the old Bastian series, and we made pumpkin pies to celebrate. I still remember the song, two phrases long. I have continued playing piano on and off through the years. I now play nearly every day at work. Comes with the territory in choir.

In middle school, I joined the band and played the clarinet. Initially the band director put me on percussion because I could read the notes on the staff already. I could play melodies on the xylophone, which was to me like playing the piano with two fingers. Once I got into 6th grade band, I was terribly bored with snare drum, and the other girl percussionist who would frequently hit me on the legs with her drumsticks, so I begged and pleaded with Mr. P to let me change to clarinet. We had my aunt's clarinet borrowed already, so I played "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" for him and he let me change after the first 6 weeks of school.

It wasn't until my sophomore year of high school that I rediscovered my first instrument. My voice. I joined choir and was in both band and choir from then through my senior year. In college I took the vocal track all the way, not even looking at my clarinet unless I was teaching the instruments of the orchestra to my elementary students back at the very beginning of my teaching career.

Today I took some time to visit one of my feeder schools, an elementary near one of the middle schools where I teach. The 5th grade students there will be coming up as next year's 6th grade class. I went at the invitation of the music teacher there (who I've known personally for more than 20 years) to demonstrate my instrument. It was great fun. I have never really done that. It seems like every other time I've sung for an audience it has been either in church, where the focus is on God, or in an ensemble where no one would really be able to hear just my instrument. I played a couple recordings for them: Brahms Requiem which I performed last Fall, so they could hear an orchestra and choir together, and a recording of an a capella arrangement of "And So It Goes," by Billy Joel on which I was singing alto. I also performed two solos: the Mark Hayes arrangement of Simple Gifts from his folk song collection, and just a snippet of "Tomorrow" from Annie. I wanted the students to hear different vocal styles. I was basically showing off for about 15 minutes with a Q & A session at the end. So much fun...

I thank God for my voice. I hope and pray that it will bring Him glory all the days of my life.

Sad Stockings

Last year when I put the Christmas stockings away, unbeknownst to me, there was something wet in the bin, and all year long, the handmade sequined and beaded stockings, two of which I made for my children, and two of which were made by my Aunt Rosemary, were growing mold all over them.

Today I took them to the dry-cleaners to see if they can be cleaned and saved.

I also bought four new stockings online. Not handmade. Not sequined and beaded with love. But they will be embroidered with our names. We can't have another Christmas without stockings. If the old ones survive, I'll have my mother keep them at her house with the others that all match.

You see, everyone in the "A" family has a stocking that looks like those old ones. Mine was made for me when I was a baby, my husband's made for him when we got married, and the children's were made for them when they were born, or near their first Christmas. I made one for my sister-in-law when she was engaged to my brother. It's a big tradition thing in the "A" family.

If those stockings are no more, it will make me very sad. I may end up making four more... I'd rather not have to. My brother and his wife are expecting a baby, so I know the pattern will be brought out to make one for the new baby, and what's FOUR more while we're at it?!

Sigh.

It's not what you think.

No, really. It's not.

My husband commented to me after reading my last post that he thought it would make my readers think we're having marital problems. We're not.

We are still in the midst of this conflict (the two of us united on one side of it) that was dropped in our laps before Christmas. It's starting to feel like the other party (or parties, I'm not even completely sure) is (are?) blowing us off. Resolution must not be high on the priority list.

I'm getting hacked off that this conflict was brought to us before Christmas (December 14th, to be specific), and that this hasn't yet been resolved. If it could have waited, then why wasn't it brought to us after the holidays? Instead, it was unleashed on us, and we have been stewing over it for weeks now.

That's just not cool. I don't care who you are or what the problem is. If you bring up a conflict, and it requires a scheduled meeting to resolve it, then MAKE TIME FOR THE MEETING. I'm just sayin. It's really unkind to blow it off after bringing it up.

The Sticky Wicket

Dear Reader(s?),

I have alluded in the past to my blog silence having something to do with things I cannot discuss in such a public forum. Lately this has been the case, along with being incredibly busy.

I will not discuss the conflict which weighs on me, as it its unresolved nature makes it delicate and way out of bounds. I can, however, discuss things that I have been thinking as a result of what is weighing on me.

One is a question of trust and submission. If we have perfect trust, then submission is not a difficulty. The problem with submission arises when trust is in doubt. The temptation to be unsubmissive only arises when rather than trusting the authority, one trusts in ones self more. There are two non-negotiables clearly spelled out in scripture that instantly come to my mind. One is wives to husbands (Ephesians 5:22). Duh. The other is in paying taxes to the government (Matthew 22:21). In neither case are we required to trust the authority, but rather to submit to the authority. And in both cases, as mentioned on those verses, it is really God to whom we submit, and not men. Men are not completely trustworthy. Only God is. As a wife, when I doubt my husband, I can trust God and submit to my husband with peace in my heart. The husband is who will answer to God for whatever it is anyway.

Lately I have been in conversations with a non-believer co-worker of mine about Christianity. He is involved in a situation with someone claiming to be a Christian who is not acting Christ-like. All of this cements his attitude that Christianity is just another set of rules like every other world religion. This badly behaving Christian is justifying his bad behavior by "balancing the scale," claiming to have permission to sin in one area because he has done other things that are good to balance it out. I'm only hearing about all this second-hand, and I don't know this other person at all, so I can't speak to his actions and his words. What I do know of Christianity that sets it apart from every other world religion is that Jesus came along to tell us that our sin was not only what did, but in could also include our thoughts. In the sermon on the mount, Jesus explained that it wasn't enough to abstain from adultery. It IS adultery to look on a woman in lust. This is the sticky wicket. We are accountable for our thoughts. This makes people upset. This turns just about all of us into Pharisees at some point or other. We want to point to the good things we do, and the bad that we don't do, and get all high and mighty, boastful and proud, and claim ourselves to be "good enough." This is why Paul declared his righteousness to be filthy rags compared to the holiness of God. Because he knew that he couldn't keep from sinning in his thoughts. God knows that our thoughts lead, guide and direct our actions. Jesus is trying to teach us, to help us, to head off sin before it becomes sin.

So in the case of my unresolved conflict, I am here to confess that I have failed utterly in keeping my mind from feeding a bad attitude. I will likely fail again. But I am sure that whether I am wronged or in the wrong, I am called to the Philippians 4:8 "Whatever."

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Philippians 4:8

It is no small task to find that which is true, noble, right, pure, lovely and admirable, excellent or praiseworthy when in the midst of conflict.

The song in my head is rather embarrassing. I wish is was something else. After a deep post like this, I'm ending with a stupid song that I don't even like... Well, here it is. This dumb song. Ugh. I wish I knew what it meant. From what I can tell of reading the lyrics online, it's about a kid who finds a gun in his dad's closet, and not necessarily about someone on a shooting rampage, which was my first thought when I listened close enough to the chorus to be appalled by it.

Hubby came in while I was writing this post and found the dog tucked under my lap desk, thought it was cute and snapped this picture. The blanket on my lap is one I finished crocheting yesterday. Way earlier than usual, after dinner tonight I got into my pajamas. It was a good choice after stuffing myself with Freebirds. (Why do I have this compulsive need to explain myself?? What's WRONG with me? Why am I so defensive?)