Parenting Hardball Style With a Smile

Last week it seemed like every time I turned around, my authority was being challenged. If you are a frequent reader, then you probably have a decent grasp of the differences in disposition between my two daughters. If you didn't know already, then by the end of this post, there will be no doubt.

Last week, I think it was Wednesday night, I sent the girls upstairs to put on their pajamas. They are both old enough and capable enough to undress and redress in pajamas independently. Little Girl sometimes struggles with removing shirts, but for the most part, she can do it. Big Girl has been dressing herself for so long now that I don't remember how long it's been. Anyway, I gave them both several minutes to work on the dressing for bed task before I joined them upstairs to check on the progress made and help Little Girl if she needed it. Big Girl was still wearing her clothes from the day, and hadn't done any more than take her shoes off. In my mind, she had not followed directions and I was disappointed in her.

Me: I'm disappointed that you didn't follow my instructions.
Big Girl: (Beginning to cry) I'm disappointed in myself!

She's the easy one in lots of ways.

Then there's Little Girl. I don't know how many times I have said "do this," to have her answer back, "I don't WANNA do that!" She'll either say the words, or let out a very whiny, rebellious little squeal which means the same thing. Neither of those responses are acceptable to me (or her father). Last week I was all over her case every time she responded that way. I'd say, "That's not the right answer. The right answer is 'Yes, ma'am.' Let's try again." When I didn't have time to do it over and over, or if she continued to rebel after a couple chances at the do-over, I upped the ante. She spent a lot of time in time-out, when I had time for that, and got a few spankings when I didn't.

I have realized that it is very important to press her to say, "Yes, ma'am." It's not so much that the words have power in and of themselves, but more that it signals surrender on her part. I have also learned that by requiring her to SMILE and say it generates an actual change in her countenance, and attitude. When she refuses to do either (smile or say, "yes, ma'am"), is shows her commitment to the rebellion of the moment, and requires me to act. I'm realizing that when I smile first, that makes it easier for her to obey.

As a parent, I don't really care about the obedience of the moment so much as I care about her learning to obey in general. The words she uses to surrender are less important than the surrendered heart.

I hope and pray that as she learns to obey me, her little heart is practicing for obeying God later. That's what it's all about.

And for Big Girl, I hope she doesn't get wrapped up in pride because of her quickness to obey. The elder brother of the prodigal son had just as much to confess, but his was more complicated.

I love these girls so much. I pray constantly that I'm doing the right things to shape their little hearts.